I feel like such a hippy for saying this

It stormed today. This afternoon after all the rain and funnel clouds cleared out there was still a bit of a cloud cover. As the sun began to set, it slowly descended below the covering of clouds, which made for a beautiful scene. The sunlight came in and, after breaking in the trees, hit the moisture rising over the water and over the grass, which caused everything to have a relaxed, peaceful glow about it. Off in the distance dark clouds were drifting in front of the sun, and it lit up their edges as they rolled along in the sky.

As an excuse to go outside, I called our dog Dixie to go for a walk so I wouldn’t look so weird standing out in the yard looking up at the sky. As I followed her around I kept looking at the scenery, and of course I got to thinking. I don’t know what it is about nature’s beauty that leads one’s thoughts to God, but as I stared at the trees, the water, and the sunset I felt that leading. I thought a little of how my faith isn’t exactly what it used to be. Deep down inside of me I think I just wanted God to be that sunset. I wanted God to be pure, good, beautiful, and right there where I could see him. I wanted God to be enormous, and yet simple -- as simple as the sun going down after a rainy day.

You see, I’ve been a bit worn down on Christianity lately. I’m worn down on all the extremely complicated arguments and theories that so many people, including me, have about God. It seems like there is always a traditional viewpoint which is then refuted by another group of people, to which the traditional group criticizes the new viewpoint. Criticism goes back and forth, and it sometimes seems like a lot of the argument is more about who is right than it is about arriving at truth. Since a lot of time these views depend on interpretation, you don’t really get a concrete answer, just two (or more) groups of people with opposing viewpoints and labels to go along with them. For instance, conservatives and liberals, creationists and evolutionists, or traditional and post-modern to name a few.

My problem with this is that it feels like Christianity is way too focused on Christians and not focused enough on Christ. It seems like we're always focusing in on what we're doing and how we're behaving ourselves, whether we are more right than the other denomination or whatever. It's like we get so caught up in making sure that we have God pinned down that we forget to take the time to live our lives with God in them. I realize that saying that and doing it are two different things, but isn't that what this thing is supposed to be about? Isn't it about knowing God?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m tired of being caught up in the argument and the debate of what to believe and how to believe it. I don’t want to be deceived and I want to know the truth, the right way to live and believe, but it seems so hard to dig out of this mess. Somehow I wish my faith in God could be as simple as watching the sunset, not about digging the right theological viewpoints out of a book or proving the other guy wrong so I can be right. I wish it could be more like standing outside, experiencing the beauty, and simply being there to take it all in.

I wonder if my life will ever get to that point.