I'm a worship leader. And as a worship leader I sometimes experience conflict playing this type of role. Because a worship leader is typically ultra-enthusiastic and emotional, which I am neither. Worship leaders are always supposed to be so close, so in tune with God. A lot of times I doubt God. As a person, I always try to be as honest as I can be. I really just don't have it in me to be fake or false. I just can't do it because it feels so wrong to me.
I experience conflict as a worship leader because a lot of times the songs just don't resonate with me. And I'm willing to bet that most worship songs don't resonate with a lot of people. Instead of singing songs like "Here I Am To Worship" where the chorus says:
Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that you're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me
I feel like sometimes it's more fitting for me to sing songs like Nickle Creek's "Doubting Thomas":
What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who know me
Will I discover a soul cleansing love
Or just the dirt above and below me
I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith
Somtimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared 'cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death I'll be he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power
I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
'Cause I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith
Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die
Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted
I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
That I know nothing's safe
Oh me of little faith
Most of the time this is where I'm at, if I'm honest. I live in this sort of half-doubt world. I believe in God, but man I question all the time. I can't help it. I feel like if I just blindly accept faith without questioning it then I'm lying to myself. A lot of people do that. They accept everything they hear without questioning it or thinking about it. This is why some Christians believe that God hates homosexuals, helps those who helps themselves, and votes Republican.
And so now I'm questioning again. I can't be positive, I can't just believe that everything's okay. The main question I'm asking myself is "Where is God?"
I got up this morning and in the midst of my morning routine I thought about Satan for some reason. It was like something warned me to watch out for Satan today, to watch out for the things that he would speak into my mind and the things that he would try to get me to do.
As I was driving somewhere today I was thinking about that, I was thinking about Satan. A lot of times I have to really try to see evidence of God in this world, but I don't have to try very hard to see evidence of Satan. I don't even have to look very far, past my own heart. I look out at the world and at the situations in my world alone and it is so overwhelming, so discouraging to see how the devil's work is being carried out.
I have a relative who has had several problems with alcoholism, drug addiction, and depression. A couple years ago she lost her job and fell into a deep depression that almost cost her everything, even her own life. For the longest time my family prayed for her and tried to help her but it didn't really seem to be working. Still we kept praying. A few months ago our prayers were answered when she finally landed a good, permanent job. I cannot tell you how relieved I was when I heard that and it seemed like finally all the crap, all the problems she was going through were (for the most part) in the past. But all the relief and hope was removed when I heard this past week that she failed a drug test, was fired from her job, and was being forced to move out of her house. Oh yeah, and she also hadn't been seen since Monday.
Obviously, this was a setback. All the hope and joy I found in the news of God pulling her out of her low circumstances was replaced with anger, discouragement, and doubt. "What happened God? I thought you were going to help her. Why didn't the help last? Why is she right back to square one?" I just can't find the answers anymore and I can't tell myself to "just have faith". It just doesn't seem to be working.
I see so many bad situations like this all too frequently. Last night, one of my sister's friends, an 18-year-old boy, was hit by a drunk driver. Now he is in the hospital in an induced coma. The doctors don't know if he's going to make it.
The other night at a baseball game I was talking to Andy about porn. I have no idea how we got on that subject, but we both agreed that it has reached the point to where you could consider it a crisis - and the church isn't doing very much about it at all. Andy told me he read a statistic that said 54% of pastors have problems with porn. That is a staggering statistic, and it's just plain sad. I wondered out loud how many of those pastors would admit it if they were caught.
Even in my own heart I have taken notice to how I am attracted like a magnet to sin. Satan tempts me with so many things and then when I give in he tells me how pathetic I am because I am always failing God. What I want to do is always the wrong thing, the wrong choice. It takes so much to do anything good, to do anything right. Why?
As I was driving I thought about this. Why do I see so much of the devil in this world and so little of God? I remembered that the devil is called the prince of this world, of this earthly kingdom. Jesus left almost 2000 years ago, ascending into heaven. "Why did he have to leave?" I thought. And I still wonder that. If Jesus was resurrected from the dead, then why did he leave? Why couldn't he stay here with us and help? He entrusted his work to us and it appears to me like we're failing.
Of course, after Jesus left he sent the Holy Spirit, who is invisible and is somehow living inside me achieving the will of God the Father. Jesus said the Spirit is like the wind blowing through the trees - you can't see it, but you can see the effect it has. You see leaves moving as the wind slips over and under.
I want Jesus to come back. I really do. I want to see my relative free from bad choices and I want to see my sister's friend healed and able to skateboard again. I want to stop having to feel like I'm failing God and those around me, even though I know better. I want the war in Iraq to be over, for violence and hatred to stop spreading like a disease around the globe. I want hungry children to be fed and for orphans to be parented.
I want Jesus to come back and finally make things how they are supposed to be. I want his love to be revealed, the veil lifted so that finally his love can shine on us like the sun coming out after an eternal storm. From now on I think I'm going to stop praying for God to let me have a good day and just pray that he would finally make the world what he intends it to be.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Hilldale Hezbullah
I wasn’t planning on going to rec night tonight. This evening I was on my way home after a very long day at work. I had just finished my 40th hour of the work week and was ready to go home, get a shower, and turn on my new season collection of House. But then I got a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize.
I don’t like answering my phone and I really don’t like surprises because for some reason I feel like someone is going to call and ask me to do something I don’t want to do, and I feel so bad when I tell them no. I answered it anyways and on the other end I heard this googly voice say, “Hey Matt!” It was my buddy Sam, who I haven’t seen since I left Hopewell. He wanted to go to rec night and see some of the refugees, but for some reason his mom wouldn’t let him go alone. I was so tired and exhausted from the everyday stresses of working at a thrift store. You know – picking stuff up, moving stuff, setting stuff down, etc. So I told Sam I wasn’t really planning on going.
But of course I knew that this was a valuable chance to hang out with an old friend while I hung out with the people of Hilldale. And I have to say I have always been fond of Sam and tonight I realized exactly why I like him so much – because he doesn’t try to be cool. I’ve noticed that most people (me included) have this need to always be cool. In Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller talks about how for some reason society makes it look like being cool is the most important thing for all of us. Seriously, because we like to associate with certain people (athletes, celebrities, rock stars) because they are cool. Most of the time we don’t even know these people but we think they are awesome. It doesn’t really matter what kind of person they are or what they actually believe or anything.
From being around Sam, it seems like he never needs to be cool. He never needs to impress people and I think that is awesome, probably because I’m just the opposite. You see, Sam is a nerd and proud of it. He has a belt buckle that looks exactly like a Nintendo controller. He can talk to you about videogames for two hours and all you have to do is sit there and say “yeah” and “uh huh”. He used to impersonate Jigglypuff, but we won’t go there.
I don’t know if he just gave up on being cool, but he doesn’t try. And I respect that about Sam. He is who he is and there are not a lot of people I know like that.
So anyways I gave in and I decided to go to rec night. I expected to go there and shoot some basketball a little bit and just kind of hang out. But I got there and after about half an hour I found myself into a run-and-gun, all-offense-no-defense game of basketball that is going to have me sore in the morning. Josh and Lee were captains and I ended up on Lee’s team. We were terrible, and we got absolutely throttled. I figured having Lee on the team would be a weakness, but he actually was our leading scorer. He was unconscious from the three point line.
Speaking of Lee, he is quite a character too. When I first went to Hilldale, he was one of the first people I met and also one of the friendliest. He treated me almost like a brother from the very first day. Andy always talks about how, whenever Lee does anything, he goes all out. And he does. I have an image in my mind from last week’s camp of the worship services: All the kids up front standing close to the stage where the band was playing and Lee standing right in the middle with his hands raised up and his head bowed. Lee is a worshipper, and I love that. While I’m standing in the back with my arms crossed, trying to decided whether or not a like the band, or if the hand-raisers are really sincere; Lee is caught up worshipping Jesus in the Spirit.
Lee, however, is not much of a team captain. He is one of those guys who picks his friends rather than the good players. So instead of getting anybody good, he got guys like me. And so while they were throwing alley-oops and no-look passes, we were running around doing whatever we could to just score a basket or two.
Along with basketball, we got a chance to see some sweet skateboarding action from Jeff (a.k.a. Tony Hawk) and Justin (a.k.a. Bob Burnquist). Talking baseball with your friends while sipping on a Mountain Dew and watching these guys rip up the parking lot with their boards is a blessing in disguise.
After that I realized that ping-pong is awesome. Andy and I started imagining what we would call the Hilldale basketball team.
The Hilldale Humps
The Hilldale Hoopla
The Hilldale Haterz
The (ever-controversial) Hilldale Homophobes
We finally decided on…
The Hilldale Hezbullah
I thoroughly enjoyed rec night tonight. I’m so glad Sam called me and asked me to go because I know I was just going to go home and play X-box by myself.
I am becoming a person who strongly believes in community. I believe in loving people. I mean really loving people. Not the “put your church smile on” type of love, but the sacrificial, unconditional, “you are more important that I am” type of love. On any given moment tonight you could walk around and see community. You could start off in the gym where the guys were all playing basketball. Everybody had a great attitude too: nobody was fighting or arguing, and everyone got to play. It’s like, though we were playing basketball, there was an understanding that there was something more than winning a meaningless basketball game.
Walk outside the gym and you see people sitting over by the snack machines talking and watching arena football. Some guys are playing pool, air hockey, and ping-pong. Some other kids are running around getting a hide-and-seek game going.
Walk outside of the building and you will see the skateboarders (Tony and Bob) showing off their awesome tricks to some nearby onlookers. People are just standing around, talking – just hanging out. These people are there pretty much because it’s fun to be there in community. And if that means we are playing basketball or playing ping-pong or watching arena football or watching two guys skate, then it’s great. Because the reason we do those things is so we can be around people.
I watched the movie Orange County the other day. I used to love that movie but when I watched it recently I didn’t think it was quite as good. I guess because it was a little too “MTV” for me. Still, it’s a good movie that taught me something about life. It’s about this high school senior who wants to be a writer and go to Stanford; but because everybody in his life is crazy in one way or another, every chance he gets at going to Stanford gets messed up. His high school counselor mails in the wrong transcript, his brother burns a Stanford building down, and his girlfriend accidentally gets the dean of admissions high. In the end he learns that he doesn’t have to go to Stanford to be a writer. He has plenty of inspiration from the interesting characters that are in his hometown.
I like to think of my world that way, especially the people. I have some really cool and interesting people in my life. My family is interesting. My friends are interesting. I may not seem interesting on the surface but I can be if I really try. I’m starting to look at life in a way that I can be inspired, entertained and moved by the people, the “characters”, in my world. People like Sam and Lee. If you look hard enough then you can really find a lot of heart and inspiration in people, in their stories.
I think about my mom and about how she had to deal with her own father’s suicide when she was a teenager. My mom is the nicest, most loving and giving person I know – and I’m not just saying that because she is my mom.
I think about Andy who had to go through a really, really bad situation when he lost his job at Hopewell. Things like that can be very damaging to your faith, but I’ve been able to see Andy move on to bigger and better things. Now I’m convinced that Andy is working on building a youth ministry that I believe in and want to be a part of, mainly because I know God is using Andy to love teenagers.
I think about my friends Jeremy and Keith who have been some of my best friends since middle school. We can go months without talking, decide to get together for bowling one day, and it’s like we never missed a step. Lately we have been getting together on weekends to do nothing other than hang out, eat pizza, and play Madden football. And I love it.
I think about how a year ago my sister and I probably could not have been farther apart; when I felt like all I could do was pray for her. The other day, when we were on our trip everybody was telling us how they couldn’t believe how close we are now and how we said such nice things about each other. I couldn’t do anything but look at the ground because I was trying (and failing) not to burst into tears. It’s true, she is my best friend, and perhaps my biggest testament to the fact that God answers prayer.
Life is an amazing story and God is just now showing me that everything, whether good or bad, is important because it points to the overall story of God. We all have conflict in our lives, characters, a setting, etc. We are living out the story of God. Pierce Pettis has a line in a song that says “Everything matters if anything matters at all.” Amen to that. Now, instead of looking at my life as a hopeless, tragic soup of random meaningless events; I am looking at my life as story full of hope and wonder. I am throwing out skepticism, pessimism, and bitterness. I am taking up faith, hope, and love. And it makes all the difference, it really does.
I don’t like answering my phone and I really don’t like surprises because for some reason I feel like someone is going to call and ask me to do something I don’t want to do, and I feel so bad when I tell them no. I answered it anyways and on the other end I heard this googly voice say, “Hey Matt!” It was my buddy Sam, who I haven’t seen since I left Hopewell. He wanted to go to rec night and see some of the refugees, but for some reason his mom wouldn’t let him go alone. I was so tired and exhausted from the everyday stresses of working at a thrift store. You know – picking stuff up, moving stuff, setting stuff down, etc. So I told Sam I wasn’t really planning on going.
But of course I knew that this was a valuable chance to hang out with an old friend while I hung out with the people of Hilldale. And I have to say I have always been fond of Sam and tonight I realized exactly why I like him so much – because he doesn’t try to be cool. I’ve noticed that most people (me included) have this need to always be cool. In Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller talks about how for some reason society makes it look like being cool is the most important thing for all of us. Seriously, because we like to associate with certain people (athletes, celebrities, rock stars) because they are cool. Most of the time we don’t even know these people but we think they are awesome. It doesn’t really matter what kind of person they are or what they actually believe or anything.
From being around Sam, it seems like he never needs to be cool. He never needs to impress people and I think that is awesome, probably because I’m just the opposite. You see, Sam is a nerd and proud of it. He has a belt buckle that looks exactly like a Nintendo controller. He can talk to you about videogames for two hours and all you have to do is sit there and say “yeah” and “uh huh”. He used to impersonate Jigglypuff, but we won’t go there.
I don’t know if he just gave up on being cool, but he doesn’t try. And I respect that about Sam. He is who he is and there are not a lot of people I know like that.
So anyways I gave in and I decided to go to rec night. I expected to go there and shoot some basketball a little bit and just kind of hang out. But I got there and after about half an hour I found myself into a run-and-gun, all-offense-no-defense game of basketball that is going to have me sore in the morning. Josh and Lee were captains and I ended up on Lee’s team. We were terrible, and we got absolutely throttled. I figured having Lee on the team would be a weakness, but he actually was our leading scorer. He was unconscious from the three point line.
Speaking of Lee, he is quite a character too. When I first went to Hilldale, he was one of the first people I met and also one of the friendliest. He treated me almost like a brother from the very first day. Andy always talks about how, whenever Lee does anything, he goes all out. And he does. I have an image in my mind from last week’s camp of the worship services: All the kids up front standing close to the stage where the band was playing and Lee standing right in the middle with his hands raised up and his head bowed. Lee is a worshipper, and I love that. While I’m standing in the back with my arms crossed, trying to decided whether or not a like the band, or if the hand-raisers are really sincere; Lee is caught up worshipping Jesus in the Spirit.
Lee, however, is not much of a team captain. He is one of those guys who picks his friends rather than the good players. So instead of getting anybody good, he got guys like me. And so while they were throwing alley-oops and no-look passes, we were running around doing whatever we could to just score a basket or two.
Along with basketball, we got a chance to see some sweet skateboarding action from Jeff (a.k.a. Tony Hawk) and Justin (a.k.a. Bob Burnquist). Talking baseball with your friends while sipping on a Mountain Dew and watching these guys rip up the parking lot with their boards is a blessing in disguise.
After that I realized that ping-pong is awesome. Andy and I started imagining what we would call the Hilldale basketball team.
The Hilldale Humps
The Hilldale Hoopla
The Hilldale Haterz
The (ever-controversial) Hilldale Homophobes
We finally decided on…
The Hilldale Hezbullah
I thoroughly enjoyed rec night tonight. I’m so glad Sam called me and asked me to go because I know I was just going to go home and play X-box by myself.
I am becoming a person who strongly believes in community. I believe in loving people. I mean really loving people. Not the “put your church smile on” type of love, but the sacrificial, unconditional, “you are more important that I am” type of love. On any given moment tonight you could walk around and see community. You could start off in the gym where the guys were all playing basketball. Everybody had a great attitude too: nobody was fighting or arguing, and everyone got to play. It’s like, though we were playing basketball, there was an understanding that there was something more than winning a meaningless basketball game.
Walk outside the gym and you see people sitting over by the snack machines talking and watching arena football. Some guys are playing pool, air hockey, and ping-pong. Some other kids are running around getting a hide-and-seek game going.
Walk outside of the building and you will see the skateboarders (Tony and Bob) showing off their awesome tricks to some nearby onlookers. People are just standing around, talking – just hanging out. These people are there pretty much because it’s fun to be there in community. And if that means we are playing basketball or playing ping-pong or watching arena football or watching two guys skate, then it’s great. Because the reason we do those things is so we can be around people.
I watched the movie Orange County the other day. I used to love that movie but when I watched it recently I didn’t think it was quite as good. I guess because it was a little too “MTV” for me. Still, it’s a good movie that taught me something about life. It’s about this high school senior who wants to be a writer and go to Stanford; but because everybody in his life is crazy in one way or another, every chance he gets at going to Stanford gets messed up. His high school counselor mails in the wrong transcript, his brother burns a Stanford building down, and his girlfriend accidentally gets the dean of admissions high. In the end he learns that he doesn’t have to go to Stanford to be a writer. He has plenty of inspiration from the interesting characters that are in his hometown.
I like to think of my world that way, especially the people. I have some really cool and interesting people in my life. My family is interesting. My friends are interesting. I may not seem interesting on the surface but I can be if I really try. I’m starting to look at life in a way that I can be inspired, entertained and moved by the people, the “characters”, in my world. People like Sam and Lee. If you look hard enough then you can really find a lot of heart and inspiration in people, in their stories.
I think about my mom and about how she had to deal with her own father’s suicide when she was a teenager. My mom is the nicest, most loving and giving person I know – and I’m not just saying that because she is my mom.
I think about Andy who had to go through a really, really bad situation when he lost his job at Hopewell. Things like that can be very damaging to your faith, but I’ve been able to see Andy move on to bigger and better things. Now I’m convinced that Andy is working on building a youth ministry that I believe in and want to be a part of, mainly because I know God is using Andy to love teenagers.
I think about my friends Jeremy and Keith who have been some of my best friends since middle school. We can go months without talking, decide to get together for bowling one day, and it’s like we never missed a step. Lately we have been getting together on weekends to do nothing other than hang out, eat pizza, and play Madden football. And I love it.
I think about how a year ago my sister and I probably could not have been farther apart; when I felt like all I could do was pray for her. The other day, when we were on our trip everybody was telling us how they couldn’t believe how close we are now and how we said such nice things about each other. I couldn’t do anything but look at the ground because I was trying (and failing) not to burst into tears. It’s true, she is my best friend, and perhaps my biggest testament to the fact that God answers prayer.
Life is an amazing story and God is just now showing me that everything, whether good or bad, is important because it points to the overall story of God. We all have conflict in our lives, characters, a setting, etc. We are living out the story of God. Pierce Pettis has a line in a song that says “Everything matters if anything matters at all.” Amen to that. Now, instead of looking at my life as a hopeless, tragic soup of random meaningless events; I am looking at my life as story full of hope and wonder. I am throwing out skepticism, pessimism, and bitterness. I am taking up faith, hope, and love. And it makes all the difference, it really does.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Deeper Waters
For the past few days (other than today and yesterday) I have been at the beach with the church youth group. Monday we all packed into two vans and headed off to the soft, sandy beaches of Florida and to the Holocaust-like living accomodations we so fittingly called "Shawshank". For five days I woke up in the morning to my friends and fell asleep talking to them at night. In the daytime we played games, hung out, and learned about the book of Nehemiah. At night we, um... did the same thing.
I took a lot from this trip, there were some truly memorable moments - both comical and spiritual - and if I had time I would write about everything I experienced during the last week. But I don't, so right now I really just want to focus on one of the many things I personally got out of the trip.
I believe it was Thursday when I walked down to the beach with Macie, Stephanie, and Andy. It was one of the three times I actually made it down the whole week. I always love going to the beach, even if I don't swim in the ocean. I usually just like to walk down there, get my feet a little wet from the waves coming in, and just look around. I love looking at the ocean because it's so big and colorful. It's always moving too - always changing. On a clear day the sky comes down to meet the ocean at the horizon and there's no telling how far you can see.
So we were standing down on the edge of the Gulf of Mexico, just walking around. Stephanie was drawing Chinese symbols and anime in the sand. Being the ever observant and thoughtful person I like to think I am, I reached an epiphone about my own spiritual life. I get the image of a mouse running around a maze until it finally finds cheese, except in my head like in the cartoons.
I didn't get in the ocean that day, but I thought about the times that I did. The second-most frightening thing to me about swimming in the ocean is the undertow. The first is jellyfish because they sting and they're well, weird looking. The undertow is frightening to me because one time I went out too far and the undertow started to pull me away from the shore out into the deep water. I'm scared to death of deep water and so it was all I could do to keep from panicking. I was swimming as hard as I could to get back but it seemed like I wasn't getting any closer to the shore at all. I had to swim with everything I had to make it back into safe waters.
As I was thinking about that, at the same time I started to think about my spiritual life, my relationship with Jesus. It seems like lately my spiritual life has plateued. It's just not going anywhere right now, even though I am learning and experiencing lots of things. My commitment has been kind of low and I have sort of given up trying to do any more than I'm doing right now. It wasn't a concious thought, but I sort of had the attitude that I couldn't go farther or experience more. I had done all I could do. I even have this attitude where I seem to think I have basically experienced everything in life and that there's nothing out there that can lift me up or take me deeper. Obviously, this is a lie that I believed. I even got this idea in my head that I really didn't need to spend time with God every day. It's amazing how relentless and cunning Satan is at deceiving and misleading us. I honestly don't think we give him enough credit.
I see myself as someone who has waded out into the water and has reached that point, the one where I say "Okay, this is as far as I'm going to go. If I go and farther then it might get dangerous." And so I just sit there in the water, let the waves go over my head for a while, and just look around at the ocean of life that is moving around me. But last Thursday when I was standing on the beach I felt like God was inviting me to come into deeper waters, deeper waters that are not safe.
When God calls someone to follow Him, he stresses that you need to be very committed. Jesus requires you to love him, to be more devoted to him than anything else in your life: your possessions, your circumstances, even your friends and family. And it seems to me that God doesn't hide the fact that it's dangerous because, let's face it, it is. There is a possibility that you might be swept away by the undertow. This year, so many times I have been saying no to God because I'm so afraid that I'll be swept away. I'm so afraid I'll get hurt or that I'll try something and it won't work out or that I'll end up doing it half-hearted and fail. I have been wading in shallow waters, staying in places where it's safe. But God is calling me now to take my relationship with Jesus into deeper, more dangerous waters.
So now that I'm back here in my house in my hometown, I'm trying to take the steps that will make my life more intertwined with the Spirit of God. I just want to know Him. I want to be there when He speaks and I want to feel Him when He inhales and exhales. The solution to everything in life is God. It's not 5 steps, a simple plan, or a formula. It's a true relationship with God. I knew that this whole time, but I was deceived.
It may be a long time before I get to go and experience God and people like I did last week - to wake up and have breakfast with people I love every day. And so I have to hold myself accountable and seek God, not like I used to; but even harder and more desperately.
I took a lot from this trip, there were some truly memorable moments - both comical and spiritual - and if I had time I would write about everything I experienced during the last week. But I don't, so right now I really just want to focus on one of the many things I personally got out of the trip.
I believe it was Thursday when I walked down to the beach with Macie, Stephanie, and Andy. It was one of the three times I actually made it down the whole week. I always love going to the beach, even if I don't swim in the ocean. I usually just like to walk down there, get my feet a little wet from the waves coming in, and just look around. I love looking at the ocean because it's so big and colorful. It's always moving too - always changing. On a clear day the sky comes down to meet the ocean at the horizon and there's no telling how far you can see.
So we were standing down on the edge of the Gulf of Mexico, just walking around. Stephanie was drawing Chinese symbols and anime in the sand. Being the ever observant and thoughtful person I like to think I am, I reached an epiphone about my own spiritual life. I get the image of a mouse running around a maze until it finally finds cheese, except in my head like in the cartoons.
I didn't get in the ocean that day, but I thought about the times that I did. The second-most frightening thing to me about swimming in the ocean is the undertow. The first is jellyfish because they sting and they're well, weird looking. The undertow is frightening to me because one time I went out too far and the undertow started to pull me away from the shore out into the deep water. I'm scared to death of deep water and so it was all I could do to keep from panicking. I was swimming as hard as I could to get back but it seemed like I wasn't getting any closer to the shore at all. I had to swim with everything I had to make it back into safe waters.
As I was thinking about that, at the same time I started to think about my spiritual life, my relationship with Jesus. It seems like lately my spiritual life has plateued. It's just not going anywhere right now, even though I am learning and experiencing lots of things. My commitment has been kind of low and I have sort of given up trying to do any more than I'm doing right now. It wasn't a concious thought, but I sort of had the attitude that I couldn't go farther or experience more. I had done all I could do. I even have this attitude where I seem to think I have basically experienced everything in life and that there's nothing out there that can lift me up or take me deeper. Obviously, this is a lie that I believed. I even got this idea in my head that I really didn't need to spend time with God every day. It's amazing how relentless and cunning Satan is at deceiving and misleading us. I honestly don't think we give him enough credit.
I see myself as someone who has waded out into the water and has reached that point, the one where I say "Okay, this is as far as I'm going to go. If I go and farther then it might get dangerous." And so I just sit there in the water, let the waves go over my head for a while, and just look around at the ocean of life that is moving around me. But last Thursday when I was standing on the beach I felt like God was inviting me to come into deeper waters, deeper waters that are not safe.
When God calls someone to follow Him, he stresses that you need to be very committed. Jesus requires you to love him, to be more devoted to him than anything else in your life: your possessions, your circumstances, even your friends and family. And it seems to me that God doesn't hide the fact that it's dangerous because, let's face it, it is. There is a possibility that you might be swept away by the undertow. This year, so many times I have been saying no to God because I'm so afraid that I'll be swept away. I'm so afraid I'll get hurt or that I'll try something and it won't work out or that I'll end up doing it half-hearted and fail. I have been wading in shallow waters, staying in places where it's safe. But God is calling me now to take my relationship with Jesus into deeper, more dangerous waters.
So now that I'm back here in my house in my hometown, I'm trying to take the steps that will make my life more intertwined with the Spirit of God. I just want to know Him. I want to be there when He speaks and I want to feel Him when He inhales and exhales. The solution to everything in life is God. It's not 5 steps, a simple plan, or a formula. It's a true relationship with God. I knew that this whole time, but I was deceived.
It may be a long time before I get to go and experience God and people like I did last week - to wake up and have breakfast with people I love every day. And so I have to hold myself accountable and seek God, not like I used to; but even harder and more desperately.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
The NBA Finals: Spurs vs. Cavaliers
So tonight is the beginning of the NBA finals, which is something that is both exciting and sad because I love the NBA so much. It's been a good year with lots of excitement, etc.
This years finals will put the San Antonio Spurs against the Cleveland Cavaliers. I personally hate the Spurs, but it's a respectful hate. Deep down I really do like the Spurs because they are such a solid team. They are always there at the end and it just takes so much to put them away. I think Gregg Popovich (sp?) is quite possible the best coach in the league and the Spurs' have the most well put together team in the league. They play great defence but are also very good and versatile on offence. Of course there is the "Big 3": Manu Ginobili (MANU!!!!), Tim Duncan (who is well, Tim Duncan), and Tony Parker (who is annoying). Either way, the Spurs are a very good and solid team all the way around. I have to say, though, they are fortunate to be this far. The Suns should have had them if not for an absolute load of garbage, unfair rule that the NBA decided to enforce and ruin the best series of the playoffs. But I will rant about that at the end.
The Cavaliers actually have impressed me this postseason. I didn't expect them to get this far and I have to admit that Lebron James has definitely been amazing at all the right times in the last few games. Even though his age is no higher than his jersey number (23), he is the main reason the Cavs are where they are right now. I still have my doubts about Cleveland, whether they play physical enough and if their role players (everyone but Lebron) will step up. I will go ahead and say that the Spurs will shut down Lebron and make the rest of the team beat them. They are way too smart of a team to let one superstar go ape crazy on them in the NBA Finals.
I've got the Spurs winning in 5.
The Spurs can go ahead and claim the title of dynasty. The Cavs are good and they've been impressive thus far in the postseason - you can't deny what they did to the Pistons. Still, the Spurs know how to win. They have been here several times before. I think that the leadership, talent, and experience of the Spurs will be too much for Cleveland. Spurs in 5.
Now, for what I was saying earlier, the Suns got screwed. I could not be more upset at how that series ended between the Suns and Spurs. It was a great series - and it was headed towards being a classic - until Robert Horry pulls a thug move and body checks Steve Nash into the scorers' table. As a result, Robert Horry gets suspended for 2 games. The problem is that two of Phoenix's starters (Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw) took a couple of steps onto the court after this happened - and both got suspended for one game.
So what you have here is Phoenix getting punished for something that a Spurs player started - a bench player at that.
I know that it's an NBA rule that must be enforced, but when it comes down to it that was just unfair. I think the Suns (whose starters had to play extra minutes in the next game) didn't win another game in the series. Boris Diaw and Amare Stoudamire committed a very human and understandable action. Robert Horry shoved Steve Nash down and they took a few steps on the court to take up for their 2-time (should have been 3-time) MVP. They didn't even do anything, and eventually moved back after the coaches instantly restrained them. Still, for taking a few steps, the Suns were left without two of their five starters for the next game - a game the Phoenix led at half time but eventually lost most likely due to the fact that their players were exhausted from playing extra minutes. The Spurs were left without one backup player.
I guess they don't call him "Big Shot" Bob for no reason.
Either way, this was the Suns year. And I hate to see it blown because of a petty NBA rule. I was disgusted with how the series played out. You watch sports because you want to see the games won out on the court (or field, or rink, or whatever). I hate to see something like that happen in any series, much less this one. It was a great one, too. It could have been a classic. Oh well, hopefully the Suns can continue their brilliant play and come back next year, although Steve Nash isn't getting any younger.
Until then I guess we have to see the Spurs pound the Cavs for a few games, and then we're left with baseball and NASCAR.
This years finals will put the San Antonio Spurs against the Cleveland Cavaliers. I personally hate the Spurs, but it's a respectful hate. Deep down I really do like the Spurs because they are such a solid team. They are always there at the end and it just takes so much to put them away. I think Gregg Popovich (sp?) is quite possible the best coach in the league and the Spurs' have the most well put together team in the league. They play great defence but are also very good and versatile on offence. Of course there is the "Big 3": Manu Ginobili (MANU!!!!), Tim Duncan (who is well, Tim Duncan), and Tony Parker (who is annoying). Either way, the Spurs are a very good and solid team all the way around. I have to say, though, they are fortunate to be this far. The Suns should have had them if not for an absolute load of garbage, unfair rule that the NBA decided to enforce and ruin the best series of the playoffs. But I will rant about that at the end.
The Cavaliers actually have impressed me this postseason. I didn't expect them to get this far and I have to admit that Lebron James has definitely been amazing at all the right times in the last few games. Even though his age is no higher than his jersey number (23), he is the main reason the Cavs are where they are right now. I still have my doubts about Cleveland, whether they play physical enough and if their role players (everyone but Lebron) will step up. I will go ahead and say that the Spurs will shut down Lebron and make the rest of the team beat them. They are way too smart of a team to let one superstar go ape crazy on them in the NBA Finals.
I've got the Spurs winning in 5.
The Spurs can go ahead and claim the title of dynasty. The Cavs are good and they've been impressive thus far in the postseason - you can't deny what they did to the Pistons. Still, the Spurs know how to win. They have been here several times before. I think that the leadership, talent, and experience of the Spurs will be too much for Cleveland. Spurs in 5.
Now, for what I was saying earlier, the Suns got screwed. I could not be more upset at how that series ended between the Suns and Spurs. It was a great series - and it was headed towards being a classic - until Robert Horry pulls a thug move and body checks Steve Nash into the scorers' table. As a result, Robert Horry gets suspended for 2 games. The problem is that two of Phoenix's starters (Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw) took a couple of steps onto the court after this happened - and both got suspended for one game.
So what you have here is Phoenix getting punished for something that a Spurs player started - a bench player at that.
I know that it's an NBA rule that must be enforced, but when it comes down to it that was just unfair. I think the Suns (whose starters had to play extra minutes in the next game) didn't win another game in the series. Boris Diaw and Amare Stoudamire committed a very human and understandable action. Robert Horry shoved Steve Nash down and they took a few steps on the court to take up for their 2-time (should have been 3-time) MVP. They didn't even do anything, and eventually moved back after the coaches instantly restrained them. Still, for taking a few steps, the Suns were left without two of their five starters for the next game - a game the Phoenix led at half time but eventually lost most likely due to the fact that their players were exhausted from playing extra minutes. The Spurs were left without one backup player.
I guess they don't call him "Big Shot" Bob for no reason.
Either way, this was the Suns year. And I hate to see it blown because of a petty NBA rule. I was disgusted with how the series played out. You watch sports because you want to see the games won out on the court (or field, or rink, or whatever). I hate to see something like that happen in any series, much less this one. It was a great one, too. It could have been a classic. Oh well, hopefully the Suns can continue their brilliant play and come back next year, although Steve Nash isn't getting any younger.
Until then I guess we have to see the Spurs pound the Cavs for a few games, and then we're left with baseball and NASCAR.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
it's good to have friends
I just want to write that it's really good to have friends. It is. And since I write so much negative stuff I just want to put this quick message out. We all (most of the refugees) got to talk after church tonight for about an hour. I guess that's what happens when you get us all together and somebody mentions Hopewell; but it was a really good conversation we had. I walked away feeling really good and happy, not angry and spiteful. Overall we talked about Jesus and how much these past few months have taught us about following Him. I believe more and more I am understanding the true gospel of Jesus. Like when I'm at work or even at home I just hate getting all the "messages" the world is sending me and I hate all the negative thoughts that come into my mind sometimes.
To be honest, I didn't really feel like going to church tonight. But I'm so glad I went because the message Andy gave, the simple message that God loves me, really meant so much. It was refreshing like a cool drink of water. I'm also glad because the kids sang real loud and I felt like we were all a group worshipping God rather than I was the guy trying to get everybody to worship. There was something familial about it - there was something good about it.
If you guys read this (you know who you are), I just want you to know you mean more than I can say. Any type of conversation, whether just a goofy one or a real heart to heart, means more to me than even I realize. I take it forgranted. I'm glad that, though we lost many people; we didn't fall apart. And because there are people in my life who care about me, things have been much easier than they could have been. I love you guys.
Faith, hope, and love;
-Matt
To be honest, I didn't really feel like going to church tonight. But I'm so glad I went because the message Andy gave, the simple message that God loves me, really meant so much. It was refreshing like a cool drink of water. I'm also glad because the kids sang real loud and I felt like we were all a group worshipping God rather than I was the guy trying to get everybody to worship. There was something familial about it - there was something good about it.
If you guys read this (you know who you are), I just want you to know you mean more than I can say. Any type of conversation, whether just a goofy one or a real heart to heart, means more to me than even I realize. I take it forgranted. I'm glad that, though we lost many people; we didn't fall apart. And because there are people in my life who care about me, things have been much easier than they could have been. I love you guys.
Faith, hope, and love;
-Matt
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Hurricane Katrina
This is way out of date, but that blog yesterday reminded me of something that people said a lot last year after hurricane Katrina. I heard from several Christians, and it was (and probably still is) a common belief among them that hurricane Katrina was a result of God's judgement. People believe that New Orleans was such a wicked city that God went "Sodom and Gomorrah" on it and punished them for their sins.
I'm writing this because I disagree with that.
In the weeks after hurricane Katrina, I talked with friends a few times about that. At the time I didn't really have much of an opinion on it. I just said who am I to limit God and say that he wouldn't do such a thing. In the Old Testament he most certainly did destroy cities and punish people for their sins, you can't deny that. I think a lot of Southern Baptists like the God of the Old Testament because he punished people a lot. And Southern Baptists like that.
It seems like more people considered Katrina a God-sent judgement rather than the 9/11 terrorist attacks. I mean, there were those who thought the attacks were punishment from God; but most reasonable Christians knew that this was just a result of the evil in this world. I guess that since people can't conjure up hurricanes and aim them at cities is the reason why people believe God sent a hurricane into New Orleans.
I won't say I would believe the same thing, but I know it would be a whole lot easier if it weren't for one thing: Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins.
Death and judgement were all in store for us but Jesus took our places. He recieved the punishment for our sins, he paid the price and so now there is no reason for God to judge us or condemn sinners anymore. The only condemnation is for those who reject Christ. But those who accept Christ, no matter what kind of sinner they are; they are saved from a life and death apart from God.
So when people are going around believing that God is out sending natural disasters on wicked cities then I am reminded that in my heart I am a sinner just like the most wicked person of New Orleans. God could just as well kill me and destroy my hometown. I look at that situation and I don't see an angry God who is wrathfully killing people He created; but rather I see a loving God who says "I don't care what you've done. I love you and I will take the punishment for you just so you can be with me."
I think hurricane Katrina was a huge disaster - kind of like a car accident or a fatal illness but on a much larger scale. You know what happened? Some people built a city next to the ocean, below sea level, and a giant storm came and ravaged it. That's what happened. It had nothing to do with their sins or what kind of people they were. It was not a divine judgement or the wrath of God. It was poverty, war, hunger, disease, disaster. It was one of the many things wrong with this world. And I believe that God was not up on a cloud frowning down upon the poor city of New Orleans, but rather he was in the hearts of all the believers who helped out: the people who sent money, housed the homeless, went there and helped themselves, etc. I think God was using us to reach out to a group of people who were hurting.
We Christians really need to stop being so quick to deal out judgement and just try to do whatever we can to help.
I'm writing this because I disagree with that.
In the weeks after hurricane Katrina, I talked with friends a few times about that. At the time I didn't really have much of an opinion on it. I just said who am I to limit God and say that he wouldn't do such a thing. In the Old Testament he most certainly did destroy cities and punish people for their sins, you can't deny that. I think a lot of Southern Baptists like the God of the Old Testament because he punished people a lot. And Southern Baptists like that.
It seems like more people considered Katrina a God-sent judgement rather than the 9/11 terrorist attacks. I mean, there were those who thought the attacks were punishment from God; but most reasonable Christians knew that this was just a result of the evil in this world. I guess that since people can't conjure up hurricanes and aim them at cities is the reason why people believe God sent a hurricane into New Orleans.
I won't say I would believe the same thing, but I know it would be a whole lot easier if it weren't for one thing: Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins.
Death and judgement were all in store for us but Jesus took our places. He recieved the punishment for our sins, he paid the price and so now there is no reason for God to judge us or condemn sinners anymore. The only condemnation is for those who reject Christ. But those who accept Christ, no matter what kind of sinner they are; they are saved from a life and death apart from God.
So when people are going around believing that God is out sending natural disasters on wicked cities then I am reminded that in my heart I am a sinner just like the most wicked person of New Orleans. God could just as well kill me and destroy my hometown. I look at that situation and I don't see an angry God who is wrathfully killing people He created; but rather I see a loving God who says "I don't care what you've done. I love you and I will take the punishment for you just so you can be with me."
I think hurricane Katrina was a huge disaster - kind of like a car accident or a fatal illness but on a much larger scale. You know what happened? Some people built a city next to the ocean, below sea level, and a giant storm came and ravaged it. That's what happened. It had nothing to do with their sins or what kind of people they were. It was not a divine judgement or the wrath of God. It was poverty, war, hunger, disease, disaster. It was one of the many things wrong with this world. And I believe that God was not up on a cloud frowning down upon the poor city of New Orleans, but rather he was in the hearts of all the believers who helped out: the people who sent money, housed the homeless, went there and helped themselves, etc. I think God was using us to reach out to a group of people who were hurting.
We Christians really need to stop being so quick to deal out judgement and just try to do whatever we can to help.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Teeter-tottering
Lately I find myself not wanting to make decisions, especially important ones. I like easy decisions like "What do I want to eat today?" or "Which movie should I rent at Blockbuster?" I can do that all day. It's just when my mind starts asking questions like "What I'm I going to do with my life?" that I start to loathe every coming afterthought. It's not that I don't care, because I care about this probably more than anything else right now. The problem is that this afternoon I am going to be sure I want to do one thing and then tonight or tomorrow I will have already decided that I want to do something else. Quite frankly, I'm getting kinda tired of that.
Ever since leaving both Hopewell and UAB I have been teeter-tottering on a decision to go into the ministry. I have really wanted to go to college and study religion (which is a really bad word for it, but that's what I guess I'll use), but I have caught a few snags along the way and I'm just not sure that pastoring or youth pastoring or being a missionary or something else is something I want to commit everything to just yet.
One of my main concerns with this, and an issue that is really hurting my faith in God, is that it seems to me like way too many Christian ministers are making the Christian faith look subjective. And what I mean by that is that we have the Bible, which is God's truth, but people have so many different ways of looking at it. You could go to 5 different pastors with a question about the Bible and they might tell you 5 different answers. I am extremely uncomfortable with that.
I'm not necessarily asking for uniformity in the church where everybody does the same thing all the time but I would at least like to see more consistency. I mean we are the body of Christ and the Holy Spirit is supposed to be working in all of us to achieve the will of the Father. But I have to confess I am as frustrated as I have ever been with the church because I look at a lot of the things we are saying and doing, and we are just not getting it.
When I have been forced to listen to WDJC at work, I have noticed that they always advertise themselves as Alabama's #1 Christian music station. And I'm thinking, "Oh that's great, our 'Christian' music stations are competing with each other." (Of course, if you think about it, why would they want to say they are the #1 Christian music station? Nobody in Birmingham cares that they are listening to the #1 Christian music station; that's not why they listen to the radio. But you know who does care? Advertisers. So in proclaiming themselves the #1 Christian music station in Alabama, WDJC is really just trying to attract more advertisers so they can make more money. But that's a whole other blog.)
I just think it's strange for a Christian institution to say something like that. I mean what if I said I was the #1 Christian in Jefferson County? What if my church said that we were the #1 church in Birmingham? Wouldn't that be kind of strange since we are all a collective body with one head, Jesus Christ?
But I hear stuff like that and I think about things like when Jerry Falwell blamed the 9/11 attacks on homosexuals, feminists, and abortionists; I see evidence in my own hometown of Christians who seem to be missing Jesus' main points - they don't love anyone and they don't want to. In fact, a lot of Chistians are pretenders who wear a veil of righteousness over their faces and they say things like "Well I'm certainly not perfect," which I don't consider a confession of being a sinner but rather a humble seasoning over a proud attitude. But I'm learning more every day that I have it in me to be a murderer, a rapist, a thief, and many other horrible things. We all do. And anyone who acts like they're not is just a pretender wearing a veil of false righteousness. If we ever think we are anything good it's because of Jesus, not us. He IS our righteousness.
I guess this is sort of an overflow of all the frustration that has been in me this year. Honestly, I know some Christians who are good, genuine people and they don't try to be anything they're not. I'm really blessed and fortunate to know those people, and I hope that in the future I get to meet many more. I'm just fed up with fakes. I try really hard not to get frustrated with God because of Christians, because I know that people are far from perfect. But I keep thinking about this: if you see kids at the grocery store running around making a mess and going crazy, what do you think of their parents? In the same way, if we as Christians are doing all the dumb stuff we do, what are people going to think about God?
Anyways, as far as going into the ministry, I just don't know about studying it in school. I feel I would be better off studying something more sure, something that we know we know, something that is tested. For instance, when a biologist teaches you about the parts of a cell, you are learning proven knowledge about a cell. There is no speculation or debate because we know that a cell has a nucleus and various other organelles. When you study the idea of Original Sin then you are really just speculating on what you think it means. In the past year I have had several fundamental beliefs and interpretations of the Bible turned upside down. I used to think they meant one thing but now I think they mean something else.
I'm not saying that a lot of Christians out there aren't right about the Bible because I believe they are and I'm very satisfied with the group I'm in now because I feel they are pretty solid. But there are so many Christians who make up these ideas that they say are Biblical and are not. Some that come to mind are name it and claim it, God helps those who help themselves, and interacial marriage is a sin. Christians believe this stuff and pastors teach them to believe that stuff. The truth is that it's garbage and God's people are being led astray. Take the whole "Prayer of Jabez" thing. Some guy dug up some prayer from the outskirts of the Old Testament and said that if you pray this prayer then God will do this and that for you and blah, blah, blah... Now that guy is probably laughing all the way to the bank because millions of Christians bought into it.
So anyways, it's probably too late now to keep this blog from being too long. I'm going to stop anyways, but these are some various frustrations with the church lately. I'm not going to lie, I'm struggling with faith right now. Please pray for me, and maybe God will start to clear some things up.
Ever since leaving both Hopewell and UAB I have been teeter-tottering on a decision to go into the ministry. I have really wanted to go to college and study religion (which is a really bad word for it, but that's what I guess I'll use), but I have caught a few snags along the way and I'm just not sure that pastoring or youth pastoring or being a missionary or something else is something I want to commit everything to just yet.
One of my main concerns with this, and an issue that is really hurting my faith in God, is that it seems to me like way too many Christian ministers are making the Christian faith look subjective. And what I mean by that is that we have the Bible, which is God's truth, but people have so many different ways of looking at it. You could go to 5 different pastors with a question about the Bible and they might tell you 5 different answers. I am extremely uncomfortable with that.
I'm not necessarily asking for uniformity in the church where everybody does the same thing all the time but I would at least like to see more consistency. I mean we are the body of Christ and the Holy Spirit is supposed to be working in all of us to achieve the will of the Father. But I have to confess I am as frustrated as I have ever been with the church because I look at a lot of the things we are saying and doing, and we are just not getting it.
When I have been forced to listen to WDJC at work, I have noticed that they always advertise themselves as Alabama's #1 Christian music station. And I'm thinking, "Oh that's great, our 'Christian' music stations are competing with each other." (Of course, if you think about it, why would they want to say they are the #1 Christian music station? Nobody in Birmingham cares that they are listening to the #1 Christian music station; that's not why they listen to the radio. But you know who does care? Advertisers. So in proclaiming themselves the #1 Christian music station in Alabama, WDJC is really just trying to attract more advertisers so they can make more money. But that's a whole other blog.)
I just think it's strange for a Christian institution to say something like that. I mean what if I said I was the #1 Christian in Jefferson County? What if my church said that we were the #1 church in Birmingham? Wouldn't that be kind of strange since we are all a collective body with one head, Jesus Christ?
But I hear stuff like that and I think about things like when Jerry Falwell blamed the 9/11 attacks on homosexuals, feminists, and abortionists; I see evidence in my own hometown of Christians who seem to be missing Jesus' main points - they don't love anyone and they don't want to. In fact, a lot of Chistians are pretenders who wear a veil of righteousness over their faces and they say things like "Well I'm certainly not perfect," which I don't consider a confession of being a sinner but rather a humble seasoning over a proud attitude. But I'm learning more every day that I have it in me to be a murderer, a rapist, a thief, and many other horrible things. We all do. And anyone who acts like they're not is just a pretender wearing a veil of false righteousness. If we ever think we are anything good it's because of Jesus, not us. He IS our righteousness.
I guess this is sort of an overflow of all the frustration that has been in me this year. Honestly, I know some Christians who are good, genuine people and they don't try to be anything they're not. I'm really blessed and fortunate to know those people, and I hope that in the future I get to meet many more. I'm just fed up with fakes. I try really hard not to get frustrated with God because of Christians, because I know that people are far from perfect. But I keep thinking about this: if you see kids at the grocery store running around making a mess and going crazy, what do you think of their parents? In the same way, if we as Christians are doing all the dumb stuff we do, what are people going to think about God?
Anyways, as far as going into the ministry, I just don't know about studying it in school. I feel I would be better off studying something more sure, something that we know we know, something that is tested. For instance, when a biologist teaches you about the parts of a cell, you are learning proven knowledge about a cell. There is no speculation or debate because we know that a cell has a nucleus and various other organelles. When you study the idea of Original Sin then you are really just speculating on what you think it means. In the past year I have had several fundamental beliefs and interpretations of the Bible turned upside down. I used to think they meant one thing but now I think they mean something else.
I'm not saying that a lot of Christians out there aren't right about the Bible because I believe they are and I'm very satisfied with the group I'm in now because I feel they are pretty solid. But there are so many Christians who make up these ideas that they say are Biblical and are not. Some that come to mind are name it and claim it, God helps those who help themselves, and interacial marriage is a sin. Christians believe this stuff and pastors teach them to believe that stuff. The truth is that it's garbage and God's people are being led astray. Take the whole "Prayer of Jabez" thing. Some guy dug up some prayer from the outskirts of the Old Testament and said that if you pray this prayer then God will do this and that for you and blah, blah, blah... Now that guy is probably laughing all the way to the bank because millions of Christians bought into it.
So anyways, it's probably too late now to keep this blog from being too long. I'm going to stop anyways, but these are some various frustrations with the church lately. I'm not going to lie, I'm struggling with faith right now. Please pray for me, and maybe God will start to clear some things up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
