Dumb Male Enhancement Commercials

So last night I was eating a pizza in front of my TV. It was a Tombstone, pepperoni pizza and I overcooked it a little bit. Lacking the patience to wait for it to cool off, I burned my mouth on the sauce and cheese, and today my tongue still hurts because of that. I don't remember what I was watching on TV, but it was during the commercial break and I was basically ignoring the ads like I always do. A Cialis commercial came on, and I ignored it, but one phrase snapped me back into reality quickly and, I will say, almost produced extreme projectile vomiting.

They were advertising some new Cialis pill that you could take for your "male enhancement" and the announcer asked a question that I thought was rhetorical, but unfortunately it wasn't: What's your favorite part? Next thing I know, some old couple pops up on the screen and the woman says, "My favorite part is when it lasts really long."

I almost spit the pizza out of my mouth. The last thing I want to know about while I'm enjoying my dinner is some old lady's favorite part of her and her old husband's old "activities" together. I hate those commercials, even more than I hate just regular commercials. And there are some things about them that I don't get. The Cialis ad comes on with the porn music and all, but what's with the bathtubs? Maybe my education about "the act" has failed me in some way, but what does an old man and woman sitting in separate bathtubs, outside, on a hill, while the sun is going down have to do with sex? Is that a metaphor for something? It would have to be, right? Because nobody ever says, "Now, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they take off their clothes and go outside to their separate bathtubs that sit on the top of the hill in their back yard, which overlooks a meadow..." (If any of you know the answer to this, please enlighten me.)

And there are the commercials with that weirdo guy, I think Bob is his name. I guess those are supposed to be funny or something. Like Bob's neighbors are jealous of him because he takes a "male enhancement" drug and there is the most memorable shot of the guy standing there holding his water hose as it starts to slump and the water runs out. That along with other innuendos are in commercials like this. Bob is dressed up as Santa Clause at the mall and all the women there want to sit on his lap. And of course, there's the one where Bob is driving the race car, but I don't really get that one either.

My favorite (and by favorite, I mean quite possibly the most ridiculous) of these ads would probably be the Viva Viagra commercials. Because there's nothing better than getting together with your best friends in your old garage and singings songs about the pill that lets you have sex longer. I mean, I know that's what I do when I hang out with my friends... doesn't everybody? In fact, the only songs I know on guitar are worship and praise songs, and songs about Viagra. (I hope you are picking up the sarcasm here.) And don't get me started on the side effects...

I just hate these commercials, they're so stupid. Even with all the lame phone dating service ads and ones about downloading ringtones, the Cash-4-Gold commercials, and the Tag body spray, I would say that the male enhancement ads are the worst. Next time I'm eating pizza or any other meal, I hope I don't learn more than I want to know about an old couple's sex life. I don't care, don't want to find out, so please get it off my TV.