BITR: What Animal Would I Make Out With?

(The formatting for this blog is totally messed up and I don't feel like making it perfect, so just ignore that part of it and imagine that these are actually lists that go from 5 and count down to 1.)

Before I even get into this topic I want to clear a few things up. You are probably thinking, “Wow, it’s disgusting that this guy would even write about this.” And you’re probably right. It is disgusting. I had to actually put some thought into this, and what person in his or her right mind puts any kind of thought into the kind of animals he/she would like to make out with? An Old Testament Jew would have probably been stoned for that. Fortunately for me, I am not an Old Testament Jew. I am a 21^st century white guy in America, and we have almost no rules on what we can or can’t make out with.

Still, I want to point out that, going along with the Blog in the Round rules, someone gave me this topic, which means that someone actually wants to know. And to that certain sick individual who wants to know (stephbenton.wordpress.com), I just want to say that I think you are disgusting and wrong and immoral for giving me this topic. Evil people like you should be purged from the land, because you are scum.

That being said, I went ahead and made a list of 5 animals I would make out with, because I couldn’t narrow it down to one. And then, just for fun, I made a list of five animals I would NOT make out with. So here we go:

Animals That I Would Make Out With

5. Angelfish – Any animal with the word “angel” in its name can’t be all that bad, and certain types of angelfish look pretty attractive. Making out has more to do with looks than we would like to admit sometimes. I wouldn’t be caught dead making out with a grouper. An angelfish, however, probably wouldn’t be that bad.

4. Owl – Once again, owls are beautiful creatures. They are also mysterious because they only come out at night.

3. Animal from Sesame Street – Because that wouldn’t be
boring.

2. Chicken – Because it probably would taste good.

1. Ladybug – This is the most heterosexual thing I could think of. Ladybugs are kind of nice. They have the whole “red with black spots” thing going on. The only drawback is that they sometimes smell really weird, which is kind of a turn-off.

Animals That I Would NOT Make Out With

5. Octopus – I couldn’t ever imagine any kind of scenario where making out with an octopus would be appealing in any way. Tentacles? And what about that humongous, lumpy, weird looking head? I wouldn’t be able to even find its mouth, and that would be awkward.

4. Blue whale – Blue whales are the largest mammals on earth, usually the length of 3 to 4 school buses. This just wouldn’t work…

3. Woodpecker – For obvious reasons.

2. Sea bear – Flashlights are their natural prey, but still I don’t think a make out session with a sea bear would be that much fun.

1. Black widow spider - After sex, black widow spiders eat their male partner. Now I don’t expect to get past 2^nd base with a black widow, but if home plate means certain death, just leave me out entirely.