BITR: Leprechauns

"It could be a crackhead that got hold to da wrong stuff!"

What is a leprechaun exactly? We are all familiar with that green character with the four-leaf clover on our Lucky Charms boxes, but where did this guy actually come from?

Well, the truth is leprechauns come from Irish folklore - usually very brief tales attached to local names and scenery. The tales were told in conversation, and leprechauns always have very unique characteristics about them. For instance, leprechauns are almost always associated with gold. If one day you happened to capture a leprechaun, chances are the leprechaun would try to offer you gold to let him go. When you actually did let the little man go, he would probably trick you and disappear. It is said that you must always keep your eyes on a leprechaun because right when you look away, they can vanish.

Leprechauns are also generally shoemakers, and one interesting fact is that prior to the 20th century, they wore red coats, not green.

So there you have it... leprechauns. Fictional characters in old Irish folklore that are completely made up and couldn't possibly be real.

OR COULD THEY???

Not knowing nothing about anything

Over a year ago when I decided to take some time off from college, I made up my mind that even though I would be out of school, I wasn't going to stop learning. I needed to find out what I was interested in, what kind of things I liked, and what I felt like I was able to do. Of course I didn't go to the library and check out all of the career books on the shelves. Instead I read books that somehow captured my interest, from Harry Potter to Steinbeck novels to books about God - and several others as well. On the bookshelf to my right is a book written by an agnostic journalist about the Christian belief in the end of the world. This book is also stacked right next to a book about ninjas called "REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book". The subtext on the cover of the book says this:

"Hi, this book is all about ninjas, REAL NINJAS. This book is awesome. My name is Robert and I can't stop thinking about ninjas. These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet."

A few books down from that is a book called "Prayer" by Philip Yancey, who is definitely among my favorite of Christian authors. On the other side of this shelf sits my collection of Donald Miller books, maybe my favorites of all. And next to these books are my three Bibles.

It's not just books either. My favorite channel on television is the History channel, and usually in the rare moments when I actually sit down to watch TV, this is what I watch. I also have a few podcasts I subscribe to that basically help me learn about certain things while I'm on the go. To keep up with current events, I read the paper every day. My favorite section is the editorials, because it's fun when locals say ridiculous things publicly. And it's even more fun when other locals respond over the next few days... publicly.

I don't consider myself a particularly smart human being at all. I was in the "gifted" class as a child, but barely. When I was in 5th grade my teacher got me to take the "gifted" test and I failed it. Somehow the same teacher persuaded the people in charge of the "gifted" program to let me take the test again, so I did and passed it the second time. To this day I don't understand what difference it made in my life. I got to leave class every now and then, but what I remember the most is how my peers made fun of me and called the R.L.C. program I was in "Retarded Little Children." Being gifted is good and all, but like I say it didn't make much of a difference to me. I still made mediocre grades. I got a 24 on my ACT in high school, which is good but not great. And I can still remember the D, near F in pre-cal, that almost kept me from graduating my senior year.

I say this because I want to point out that I'm a very average guy who is trying to make sense of life. If I'm going to have any kind of knowledge about anything, I'm going to have to earn it. So this past year I have simply tried to observe and take in any sort of experience and knowledge like some sort of red-headed sponge.

The thing about learning is that once you know something, you can't un-know it. You can't really take it back. Once you learn something like the fact that your country was established by killing and forcing native Americans off their land, or the fact that REAL ninjas fight ALL THE TIME, or the fact that it takes the light from the stars millions of years to reach the earth, you have to do something with that understanding. It becomes hard to ignore. And unless you have some sort of concussion or brain-altering accident, then it's impossible to un-know. And what happens then?

Well, it changes you. It may not change the fundamental characteristics of who you are, but it alters how you look at things, how you say things, and how you act in certain situations. Roughly a year after I walked away from UAB, Hopewell Baptist Church, my old house, old friends, and a few other things in my life, I am still Matt Benton. But I'm not that Matt Benton anymore. I'm just not the same guy anymore. Why? Because since then I read a book, had a conversation, went on a trip, heard a song, read a blog, heard a sermon, watched a TV show, read something in the Bible, heard a story, wrote a blog, had another conversation, and experienced a certain thing on a certain day. From this random soup of experience and observation I have shaped myself. And that shape is different from what it was in January of 2007.

But sometimes it seems to me like the more I know, the more I realize how much I don't know. Answers are highly overrated, because when you find an answer to a question, a lot of times you will find a whole host of new questions for you to ask. And the process just continues again.

Tonight I don't think I know anything at all. I have my way of looking at things, and there are people out there who think that what I believe is absolute rubbish. A lot of times I look at other things that other people believe and I think they couldn't possibly be true either. Putting your faith in one thing and then discovering that there are a lot of people out there who are completely against what you put your faith in is a frightening thing. It makes you wonder if anyone is really right and anyone is really wrong, or are we just separate groups with opposite opinions?

When this happens I guess it's important to let what you've learned settle in, be humble, trust your own judgment, and then move on the next day. Dive right back in to the mess of contradicting knowledge and ideas. Somehow these things are going to be sorted out, and I might as well play a role in it. Truth may be a very elusive thing to find, but I don't suppose a little more knowledge would hurt.

BITR: How Would I Choose to Die?

I would pave paradise and put up a parking lot.

I was at work today and I happened to notice a book that a co-worker of mine was going to buy. It was titled something like “What You Need to Know about Global Warming and Environmentalism.” Upon further inspection I gathered that what you really need to know about global warming and environmentalism is that they aren’t actually true, or at least global warming is not. Apparently it is a myth created by the crooked media, the money-hungry government, Al Gore, and/or mad scientists who want you to think that the planet is heating up, which would result in very serious consequences for us people.

What an excellent way to die.

If I could choose the manner of my own death I would go back and borrow that book from my co-worker and I would read every single word of it, then I would read it again. I would take in every idea, every fact, all of it. And then after I believed everything that was said in my book, I would go numb to anything else that told me differently. When a news story about climate change would come on TV, I would change the channel. When I would see an article in the paper about it, I would skip over it. “Propaganda,” I would say and then smile to myself because I knew something they didn’t know. I would be on to them.

When I could afford it I would buy a Hummer, even though I don’t have to drive off-road over a mountain to work everyday. I would buy it and cruise around in Trussville all the time. I would leave it running when I stopped anywhere, to keep the a/c cold. After eating a drive-thru Rally’s burger I would toss the bag and wrapper out the window because I don’t want to get my Hummer interior dirty. Besides, it’s not my job to care. The earth is my domain; nothing is going to happen to it.

I could live however I want and not have to worry about how much carbon I am emitting or about how much energy I am using. I wouldn’t care if some corporation was polluting a river somewhere, if an oil spill killed off miles of sea life, or if the sea level was rising year by year. The rapture is going to take me before the world ends, so why care? I could live the way I want to. I am an American, after all.

As I live my life, drive my Hummer, and vote against legislation seeking to help the environment, I would slowly dig mine and everyone else’s grave deeper and deeper. The earth would heat up, the ocean would rise, the polar ice caps would melt, species would go extinct, and I would ignore all of it. Maybe one day when it was too late, when the damage had already been done, I would start to figure things differently. But eventually, after I had raped and plundered God’s creation to get all I could out of it, it would do the same to me.

And I would die and be buried in its mud.

BITR: I would punch a toddler for ______.

What in the world could I possibly want so badly that I would punch a toddler? I think a better question is what wouldn't I punch a toddler for? Look at this kid. He is mean, arrogant, whiny, and extremely self-centered. There is only one cure for that - a very serious butt-kicking.

Spare the rod, spoil the child. That's what the Bible says. But this isn't about my personal parenting convictions. This is a blog about what I want, and what I would do to get it.

I will tell you exactly what I want: world peace. I'm tired of all the violence in this world. I'm tired of the wars and school shootings. Why in the world would a child shoot another child? It is both sad and extremely frightening to know that I live in a world where these things take place. Parents stuff their kids in closets and leave them there for years and sharks eat their own young. That is just plain sick if you ask me.

I want to see a world where we all live in peace. I want a world where President George W. Bush can sit down with President Mahmoud Ahajiamiadnineig7eghjad and talk peacefully about bombing their enemies. A world where the American can get along with the al-Qaida terrorist, and the people who go to church can get along with, well, the other people who go to church. I believe in a world where peace reigns over war and where no one will be oppressed regardless of ethnicity, race, religion, social status, etc. I believe in a world where parents do not beat their children for no good reason and where the kids on the playground don't bully each other. Children are precious to this world, the sign and hope of our future. If we try to do anything that would hurt them then we are only hurting ourselves.

So you say, "Matt, what would you do to bring peace to this world?"

I tell you, I would do anything. I would do anything within my limited abilities to make this world a better place.

"Would you even punch a toddler?"

You better believe I would, twice if I had to.