There and Back Again

Mark this day down on your calendar. Circle it, put a star around it, and highlight it with blue, pink, and yellow. Get out your planner and make a note about today. Make sure that you never forget that today is the day that I got my acceptance letter to the University of Alabama in Huntsville...

...for the second time.

I guess it doesn't really have as much of a punch the second time around. I've had a year to strengthen my resolve, discover my ambition to go um... somewhere, and test the academic waters to make sure I'm not the same slacker I was a few years ago. The truth is last year I wasn't ready to make the transition from working a full time to job to quitting, moving away, and taking on a full load at university. But now I think--no I'm sure--that I am. I'm 23 for crying out loud! I'm ready for anything!

Of course an acceptance letter doesn't mean that much to me at the moment. I'm really happy but I was expecting it. It felt good to tear open the envelope, read the letter, and let my mind fill with hope for what the future may hold. But it doesn't mean a thing unless the money comes through. That's what messed up everything last year.

It has to come through this time. If not I think I'm going to have to do some serious rearranging with my life because it's been the same old, same old for so long and I can't take it much longer. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm an adult and still living with my parents, working the same hometown job I've been working for over 3 years, and wandering around in an academic maze that has seemingly gone nowhere for almost 5 years.

In my entire being I am anticipating a change. I think this is more than just in my head or something that I have to do in order to grow up. It feels like the entire rhythm of my life is pushing me to go on. It's like I've become so restless being stuck in the same places for so long. I need to finally get that feeling that a person gets when they go to their boss and say, "Only two more weeks for me." I need to be able to see Locust Fork, Pinson, and Center Point in the rear view mirror and have that nostalgic feeling in my chest as I drive away knowing that I will return but things just won't be the same. I need to finally be able to say so long, dad. I need to find a church that is interested in providing ministries and activities for people my age, not just those who are older or younger than I am. And I need a place where I can invite friends to come over and just hang out, watch a ballgame or play some X-box. I don't have that luxury here.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I want to be away from all the amazing people in my life. I love my friends and family and because of those special people, it is going to make leaving that much harder. I have no intentions of ever breaking contact with any of my friends in my life. What I'm talking about is just the fact that I have to make a life for myself and that's going to take some sort of journey, a story that requires that things must change even if only for a little while.

Because a guy can only load furniture into cars for so long until he says I can't take it anymore, I was made to do more than this. A guy can only eat his mama's cooking for so long until he is embarrassed that he can't make anything more than a cheese sandwich or frozen pizza. People in general don't like walls. We don't like cages. We have to get out, stretch our legs, and sometimes run as hard and as fast as we can just for the sake of doing it. We have to, because we are people, and that's what we are supposed to do.

And so I am praying that the money comes. I am praying that my future lies somewhere... else. Because here isn't bad, but for a stagnant 23-year-old, it just doesn't hold the same glamor as there.