The New Mattitude

So Blogger has frustrated me one time too many and I have decided to relocate to Wordpress. This blog will still be here but any new posts will be published on the new blog. You can read the new one at themattitude.wordpress.com.

Not that long ago I went with my sister and her friend Jake to see Donald Miller. It was at this church out in Hoover. We made sure to get there early enough to get good seats, and we did. We got seats in the second or third row, right up front. Before the show started, Stephanie wanted to go get something out of my truck. So she and Jake eased out of the pew and I told them I would save their seats.

After I said it, I heard the woman behind me turn to her husband and say, "Saving seats in church? Hmm... that's interesting." Wondering why this lady said that, it didn't take very long for me to gather that she deemed my action not very Christ-like. Being at a Don Miller event, it's not surprising that some of the people in the audience were a little critical, perhaps cynical, of church or other Christians. But that comment made me mad. I thought about it, tried to be open-minded, tried to see how reasonable her point actually was, but in the end I couldn't see it. Who in the world cares if I saved a seat for the people who came with me?

It made me wonder if that lady was one of those people who can't go into a church without finding something she doesn't like about it. Or if she is somebody who watches carefully what other Christians do, judging - waiting for them to make a mistake so she can catch them and make a sly comment about it.

It made me wonder if this lady is exactly like me.

I know I can be critical of Christians. In fact, I think my whole perspective towards the church is now one of watchful skepticism. Even the pastors and authors I like, I still read or listen to with hesitance; because it's hard for me to really trust anybody who talks about God like they really know what exactly is going on.

I think a lot of the criticism is justified, though. I'm really tough on Christian radio, but I think they deserve it. I think a lot of churches and people are absolutely absurd, and I won't back off on that.

But I don't want to be one of those people who just goes around looking for things to criticize. I don't want to judge people for saving seats in a church, and I don't want to take cheap shots at Christian institutions just because I'm bitter. I'd rather be more constructive than that.

I really just think that I do this because I have serious issues with my faith. God has traits and does things that really puzzle me. The other day a guy I work with was telling me about the TV show 'Lost' and he said, "Every time they answer one question, it just raises four or five more." 'Lost' sounds a whole lot like God to me.

There are things about God that really disturb me too - things that make me wonder if this God is really the true God at all. For instance, I can't at all reconcile these two statements:

1. God is good.

2. God kills people.

I can't do it. I have no idea how to explain why a good and loving God resorts to violence so many times in the Bible. Any time I see a person or a nation use violence as a solution to a problem I wonder, I hope, that there is a better way. But the great flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, the many times God sends Hebrews into battle to slaughter others - that tells me there's not. Because you would think that if there was an all-knowing and all-powerful God, then that God would know a better way. If people get in your way, then they have to be annihilated. I don't understand that.

I guess I'm at the point where if I am going to continue to grow, I need to get over my disgust with some of the Christians out there. Just like anybody else, Christians (for the most part) have always been messed up. There's nothing I can do to change that. Now it's time to start to deal with this God character and leave the rest to handle itself.

A message to people who freak out about stupid stuff

I've had a little something on my mind lately that's been annoying me a little bit. I saw Avatar like a month ago and I loved it. I thought the movie was great all around. People always talk about how great it is visually, and it is, but what I liked even more than that was the actual story. If you want to liken it to a historical situation it would be closest to the Native Americans when the Europeans came and over the process of several years, forced them off their land and took it. Of course, the outcome is different in the movie, but it would be hard for anyone with any kind of historical knowledge of the "discovery" of America to not see the parallels.

What's been bothering me is a comment that somebody made when I was trying to tell them how good the movie was. It goes along the lines of the people who freak out because Harry Potter has magic in it. Essentially, this person said that they are not going to see the movie because it promotes Pantheism. Since the people or aliens on Pandora have such a strong connection with the nature on their planet, and that force helps them ultimately defeat the humans, this is apparently a bad movie for Christians to see.

My message to people who think this is DON'T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A WAD. No, this movie is not the Passion of the Christ. Jesus is not going to come through the clouds of Pandora at the sound of a trumpet and rapture every alien who has accepted him as their personal savior. If that's what you're looking for, then you should look elsewhere. But does that make the movie entirely bad? Or perhaps, can we interpret Ehwa (the Pandora god) as a metaphor for the actual God that we believe in?

While I don't think that worshiping nature is the correct way to practice religion, I think that a worse thing to do is to completely disregard nature and have no sort of reverence for it whatsoever. God created the world. God made the world beautiful, and I believe he did that for the people who live in it. If this is true, then why do we just want to make a parking lot out of the place? Why do we get so arrogant as to think that nature is there just for us to mine for resources so that we can make money? (This, of course, is exactly what the humans in Avatar want to do).

Also, I think that for people of faith, instead of feeling like this movie is attacking your personal belief, you should instead feel like it is supporting your belief in a powerful deity and attacking the notion that no God exists whatsoever. In the movie, the humans (the bad guys) mock the idea of the aliens' god. They arrogantly assume that their power, weapons of war, and machinery are going leave them to exhort their will over the creatures on Pandora. What happens is the opposite. The aliens, who put their faith and their hope into their god, ultimately come out on top. They are rescued.

Avatar is a great movie. I think it was 2009's Dark Knight. I am probably speaking to a small segment of the population who actually wouldn't see this movie because of Pantheism. There is a lot of good stuff about this movie, and a lot of good lessons that can be learned. (Plus, you get sweet glasses!) But all I am saying is that people, and particularly Christians because they are bad about this, need to take a chill pill. Not everything is an attack on your personal beliefs. Quit being so defensive.

Spring Semester Preview

So I just finished signing up for my last class of the Spring semester. It's a little late, yeah, but I got it done. I wrote down on an index card the schedule, the times and days of when I have to be where and I've been staring at it for several minutes wondering if I've gotten in over my head.

It's not really the schedule that awful. There are just a few things that I can already tell are going to be a challenge for me. First of all, the earliness. Three days a week I have classes that start at 9 am. That doesn't sound so bad, but I have to drive nearly an hour just to get there. Since I am a night person and not at all an early bird, this is going to be tough.

The observation hours are going to be a pain as well. One of my education classes requires that I do 25 observation hours in a classroom at some point during this semester. This won't be all that bad if it's handled the right way. In other words, if I don't procrastinate and put it off until the end.

The driving is going to suck. I'm looking at around 2 hours in my S-10 each day. I've been thinking about how I can make use of all that time. Audiobooks is one idea. My iPod is definitely going to keep me company, and that will leave plenty of time for Podcasts (Rob Bell, now I can listen to your long sermons in one sitting!)

I can see the various pitfalls that might come up. The long drive will tempt me to skip class. Burnout will be inevitable. I will try to take short cuts. My truck might break down. And of course there is always the unexpected.

In spite of all this, I'm looking forward to the challenge. I know that I am going to get more out of this experience, and that it will mean a lot more when I finish, if it's hard. The first thought that popped into my mind when I looked at that schedule was that I am going to have to have more discipline than ever before. I can't be the student I was in the fall, I have to be something new.

And that's what this is all about, preparing me for a career that is going to be difficult and demanding. The question is if I am going to rise up to the occasion.

My Favorite Albums of 2009

So I know it's been a while since I've posted anything. Tradition called for me to post this and when tradition calls, I answer. Here ya go.

5. Thrice - Beggars

It seems like anytime Thrice puts a new album out they are guaranteed a spot on this list. Beggars didn't release with the fanfare that The Alchemy Index did, but it turned out to be a pretty great album. Thrice moved away from the more electronic elements found in TAI and Vheissu. Still, all the songs are well written both musically and lyrically.

Best songs:

In Exile

Circles

The Weight

Wood and Wire

4. The Fray - The Fray

Yeah, I know, it's The Fray. I didn't become a fan until this year. I didn't listen to much of their previous album, but I picked up the new self-titled and I gotta say it's a good listen.

Best songs:

Absolute

Say When

Ungodly Hour

3. Relient K - Forget and Not Slow Down

This is shaping up to be one of my favorite Relient K albums they've released. It definitely strays away from their punk rock sound, but you can still listen to it and tell it's Relient K. It's a more creative and mature album than they have ever released, which compares more to Mmhmm than any other. Also, there are no cheesy, made-for-radio style songs that ought to be skipped on a regular playthrough.

Best songs:

I Don't Need a Soul

Therapy

Over It

2. Derek Webb - Stockholm Syndrome

Two albums stood out above all others this year. Stockholm Syndrome is one of them. It's great to see an artist out there really taking a stand for the things that he believes, especially when it might not be a popular stand, and Derek Webb does exactly that. He even had to release two separate copies of the album (one "edited" copy leaves out a controversial track called What Matters More). The real genius of this music is in its message. With compelling lyrics and cool, techno-style beats, this is definitely one of Derek Webb's best.

Best songs:

Cobra Con

What Matters More

The State/The Proverbial Gun

Jena and Jimmy

1. Brand New - Daisy

Ever since The Devil and God are Raging Inside of Me, Brand New has been one of my favorite bands. I was glad to see that they continued with their darker, more mature sound with Daisy. Still one of the most intense and dynamic bands I know, Brand New's music has become more compelling and interesting than any other. And the religious references in Jesse's lyrics are really cool:

"There's too many saviors on my cross again, I know I'll never be a perfect man."

"I don't think that you've got to pretend, I see God in birds and Satan in long words."

"If everyone's a structure where their own savior sits, then I'm a little red house and no one's living in it."

So many good lines. I love this album. Love it.

Best songs:

At the Bottom

Sink

Bought a Bridet

Beggars

by Thrice

All you great men of power, you who boast of your feats -
Politicians and entrepreneurs.
Can you safeguard your breath in the night while you sleep?
Keep your heart beating steady and sure?
As you lie in your bed, does the thought haunt your head
That you’re really, rather small?
If there’s one thing I know in this life: we are beggars all.

All you champions of science and rulers of men,
Can you summon the sun from its sleep?
Does the earth seek your counsel on how fast to spin?
Can you shut up the gates of the deep?
Don’t you know that all things hang, as if by a string,
O’er the darkness - poised to fall?
If there’s one thing I know in this life: we are beggars all.

All you big shots that swagger and stride with conceit,
Did you devise how your frame would be formed?
If you’d be raised in a palace, or live out in the streets,
Did you choose the place or the hour you’d be born?
Tell me what can you claim? Not a thing - not your name!
Tell me if you can recall just one thing,
That’s not a gift in this life?

Can you hear what’s been said?
Can you see now that everything’s grace after all?
If there’s one thing I know in this life: we are beggars all.

I just love this band.

Asimo takes a tumble

Here's a little good old Japanese hubris for you.



These videos never get old to me. My astronomy professor said the other day that in 20 years, robots will be able to out-think human beings. I don't believe that. Sure, they may be able to do math problems better and quicker. But I don't believe any robot will ever create for instance, a beautiful painting or song. I don't think a robot could write a poem or inspire an audience with a speech.

But of course, they won't need any of that when they rise up and enslave the human race. So I guess this is not important.

Roll freakin' tide

There is nothing like going from the possible worst outcome of a situation to the best outcome in a matter of seconds.

It was my first Alabama game. Ever. And with less than a minute in the game to go, it felt like it might have been one of the most disappointing experiences of my life. After Mark Ingram fumbled for the first time in his career, after Tennessee drove the ball down the field and scored the only touchdown of the game, and after they recovered their onside kick, here we were about to see our undefeated season be taken away from us. And by the freakin' Tennessee Volunteers at that, the team I hate more than any other with the head coach that I already hate more than any other.

Then, after that snap and after the ball was kicked, I watched as the ball was knocked down. I heard the thud with my own ears, and watched as the ball sailed off in the other direction. And then maybe one of the best feelings of my life, a feeling that was part disbelief, part joy, and part adrenaline rush that no combination of energy drinks could ever match, hit me and the rest of the Crimson Tide fans as we went nuts in the stands. It was a swell of emotion that is rarely matched. We were still undefeated, still in the NCAA title race, and best of all, we didn't give Volunteer nation the satisfaction of tarnishing our undefeated record in our house.

I am so glad I was there (thank you Kevin and Aimee!), and I'm so glad that I got to be part of the yelling, the clapping, the Rammer Jammer-ing. I'm glad I got to give out hugs and high fives after the game, and enjoy the heart-pounding ending that made a mediocre game one that will be remembered for a long time. I will never forget this for the rest of my life.

Yep, today was a good day.

I love this picture

My Miracle Drug

The mind can be a poison. Sometimes I wish I could turn mine off. I wish it had a switch that I could flip off when I needed to, when my thoughts turned negative, or simply when I needed to enjoy a Vin Diesel movie.

This morning I missed class because all my work pants were in the washing machine still soaking wet. When I found them it was too late to dry them and then leave, so I put them in the dryer and tried to make use of the extra time. I already didn't feel very well since it was Monday, but I grabbed my notebook, went out on the back porch, and started looking over my algebra work in a patio chair. It was nice outside, sunny but cool. I went over factoring, absolute values, and inequalities making sure I had the process down in my head for figuring out each type of problem. After about 10 minutes of that my mind started to wander and in my head I was far away from that porch and that notebook with the math problems.

I thought about my life and, just like my mind does sometimes, I seemed to pick out all the times I've failed and remind myself just what kind of stupid things I'm capable of. Funny how the bad things always stick out over the good things, like they somehow carry more weight to define us as people. I don't really believe that but I thought about all the relationships in my life that aren't what I'd like them to be, the length of time it's taking me to earn my degree, and all my various character flaws. I thought about how my goal, my ambition, is to become a teacher. But even when I did that I doubted if I could really do it.

Do you really even want to be a teacher? I don't think you want it bad enough, you probably won't even graduate. And even if you do, you'll probably hate it. And you probably won't even be very good at it. And by the way, you are majoring in history, so you might not even find a job.

It wasn't a very good morning for me. Instead of actually studying, I spent a lot of my time wondering if what I was working for was really worth it. I paced around the house, half-bored but not wanting to waste the hours I was gaining from missing class. I stared out of windows, only to walk to the other side of the house and stare out of another window. My mind was in a bad place and I just felt lost.

I even walked outside onto the porch where our dogs were. Bilco was laying on his back with his feet up against the wall. He has a knack for making himself look like he has the IQ of a gnat. I looked at our old German shepherd, Foster, who is 16 years old now and looks every bit of it. He looked up at me but didn't wag his tail. Several years ago he got hit by a car and broke his hind leg. Now that he is older, he has arthritis and that leg is almost useless to him. I watched him try to stand up. He propped himself up with his front two legs and then tried to lift the rest of his body with only one leg. He got about halfway up, straining the whole time, and then gave up. He eased himself back down. Every minute or so he would try and eventually he got up and limped down the stairs to where he could lay under some shade.

He laid down and as I was watching him I started thinking about getting old. I wondered if the right thing to do would be to put Foster out of his misery, but I knew I could never decide to do that. He only had one life to live - might as well leave him to enjoy all of it.

I say this because I felt crazy this morning. Between the doubting, the staring out of windows, and my old dog who reminded me that even though I'm 23 I am still going to grow old and die one day, I didn't feel sane. I felt like I should feel better than I did, not standing around wondering about my future or the philosophical consequences of euthanizing a dog.

I have been through clinical depression before, a few years ago when I was a student at UAB. It was easily the worst few months of my life. I didn't have any enemy that could harm me as bad as my mind did. It was hell. Last year I read an article that said J.K. Rowling's dementors were based on her experiences with depression. She described it as "that absence of being able to envisage that you will ever be cheerful again. The absence of hope. That very deadened feeling, which is so very different from feeling sad." I very much agree.

The only way I coped with it was to pray and write. In fact, I looked forward to nothing at all except the end of the day when I would shut myself in my room, turn on some older Andrew Osenga music, and write down my thoughts for an hour or two. I found that if I could get out my thoughts by writing them down on paper, I had a lot more success in dealing with them. In fact, I could look them over and see that I was often being irrational and extremely unfair to myself. If I talked about anybody else the way I talked about myself, I would be an enormous jerk. It was at that time in my life, that dark time, that I learned that I could make it through hell as long as I was able to write it down.

One of my many favorite U2 songs is called Miracle Drug. I have a live recording of them playing the song in Chicago on their Vertigo tour. As Edge starts playing the opening guitar riff, Bono says this:

"I fell in love in Chicago. I fell in love in a hotel room in Chicago, listening to Miles Davis, Kind of Blue. I didn't understand Jazz, I didn't understand Miles Davis or how his music could make me feel until, sitting in this hotel room looking out the window at this city, an Irish boy 24 years old. Just looking around Chicago I kind of understood Miles Davis and I understood his music...

"We don't really look back that much in our music. We don't look at the past. The best bits of the past we try to bring with us. They're our songs, songs like Pride (In The Name of Love), Sunday Bloody Sunday, Where the Streets Have No Name. They're the best bits of the past and we'll take them with us. Because we're interested, we're excited, and we have faith in the future. That's where we're headed. So for a city of the future, this is our music... we think that we are strung out. This is our drug, Miracle Drug."

That really meant a lot to me hearing that because I could think about times when I had a rough day, a day full of setbacks, and then I heard a song and it just completely changed how I felt about things. My problems didn't change one bit, but because of that song I felt like I could make it through - I felt a little bit of hope.

I feel the same way about writing. In a way it would be my miracle drug, I suppose. This morning I stopped the pacing around the house and the looking out windows, and I finally sat down to write. I channeled all my thoughts down onto a piece of paper, and it was like the weight that they carried was lifted off of me. And I was able to dismiss the awful ones as nonsense. It's true, I would never speak or write half the thoughts that come into my brain because they are ridiculous. From the 20 minutes I spent writing, I realized that I was still sane. I wasn't losing it, and I wasn't the failure my mind was telling me I was. I also realized that I was human, and that everybody feels this way at some time or another. And after that I was alright. I got some food, went to work, and had a great day.

I guess everybody has moments when they seem to lose their sense of up and down. Life doesn't make sense, we doubt our own abilities, and even wonder what it's all for. We cope with it in different ways. Some of us try to escape through alcohol or drugs. Some of us go completely cold and numb. Some of us try to bury those feelings by buying new products that will only make us feel better for a little while. I think that my miracle drug is pretty good for dealing with things. Those notebooks will always be there (unless they get lost or my house burns down or something) as reference for me to go back and read in the future. And they've already helped. This is my drug, my Miracle Drug.

Hey, want to read a good book?

I have to say, I am loving this book. Got it in the mail Monday and I'll probably finish it before the weekend is over. That never happens for me with books. Usually I become uninterested and start reading another book, and end up reading about 3 books at a time. But no, not this time.

I would recommend this book to anybody. It's an easy read, the chapters are short, and it will make you look at your life a lot differently.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

%$#@!!!!!!!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Scoldplay
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Healthcare Protests

I missed this for the last 3 weeks. The 10 pm to 10:30 pm time slot was a lonely, desperate time for me. But now that The Daily Show (and for that matter, The Colbert Report) is back on, I can satisfy my frustration from politics through the mocking of government and media. And oh man, it feels good.

Of course, my last post was making fun of Glenn Beck and various other right-wing extremists who made all too much of the president's speech to school kids. And while that was targeting crazy Republicans, it was more about people who put partisanship and political gain ahead of doing what's best or the people who live in this country.

It goes both ways, which is why Nancy Pelosi is one of my least favorite politicians in Washington, and she is a Democrat. From a few months ago when she said she had no idea that the Bush administration had authorized torture, and then later when she actually did know but couldn't do anything about it, and then when she did know and could have done at least something, but chose not to - to now when she says that the house of reps is past the Joe Wilson "truth-tourettes" and then 2 days later passing a resolution to make him apologize on the house floor.

I may be naive to think this is possible, but can we please stop with the petty, selfish partisanship? Can we at least avoid stupid, meaningless actions like forcing a Congressman to apologize after he had already done so and said apology been accepted? For crying out loud, there are regular American citizens with more sense than some of these people. Get something done that matters, and stop trying to seize every opportunity to squeeze all the political points you can out of one man's mistake.

My Audition for The Glenn Beck Show (or anything on Fox News for that matter)

President Obama is at it again. Everything that he is doing is somehow storming up a flurry of controversy, and the latest is something that hits very close to home - a speech given directly to our school children. I was skeptical of the controversy at first, the right-wing critics who were outraged and declared that Obama was taking this opportunity to indoctrinate our youth with socialist ideology. I dismissed it as no more than an overblown media/political circus. But that was until I did a little more crack... research...

I read the original speech as it was posted on whitehouse.gov. Everything seemed fine on the surface. It was just stuff about staying in school and working hard, which appears harmless. Not to be outwitted by whitehouse.gov, I actually posted the speech in Google's socialism calculator* and I was shocked at the results.

Just take this excerpt from the President's speech as it appears on whitehouse.gov:

"I know that sometimes, you get the sense from TV that you can be rich and successful without any hard work -- that your ticket to success is through rapping or basketball or being a reality TV star, when chances are, you’re not going to be any of those things."

Pretty normal, right? But this is what came out when I pasted the same statement into the socialism calculator:

"Ich weiß, dass manchmal, Sie bekommen das Gefühl aus dem Fernsehen, dass man reich und erfolgreich sein kann, ohne harte Arbeit - das ist Ihr Ticket zum Erfolg wird durch Klopfen oder Basketball oder eine Realität TV-Star, wenn die Chancen sind, Sie werden doch nicht zu jedem dieser Dinge."

Are you shocked yet? Or are you afraid? Maybe you should be, because this statement reeks of socialism. Notice the word "reich." Hmm... that sounds familiar. 3RD REICH maybe???? Also notice the character ß as well. What is that? You would probably have to be a socialist to know.

Here is another example written in free market capitalism:

"The story of America isn’t about people who quit when things got tough. It’s about people who kept going, who tried harder, who loved their country too much to do anything less than their best."

But how does it come out in the socialism calculator?

"Die Geschichte von Amerika ist nicht über Menschen, die beendet werden, wenn es hart kam. Es geht um Menschen, die laufenden gehalten, der versucht, härter, liebte ihr Land zu viel, um nichts weniger als ihr Bestes zu tun."

HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. It says "Die... Amerika." And somebody better warn Beendet Werden and Laufenden Gehalten as well, if they're not already dead.

How can we allow this in our great nation? Obama must be stopped. We should all boycott the speech. If this gets into the minds of our children, it may be the end of the world as we know it.

Glenn Beck, please let me be on your show.

*By socialism calculator, I actually mean that I used the Google English to German translator.

The Road to Glory

Fantasy Football Draft Picks:

QB: Drew Brees
WR: Anquan Boldin
WR: Chad Ochocinco
WR: Vincent Jackson
RB: Brandon Jacobs
RB: Clinton Portis
TE: Anthony Fasano

Bench:
Eli Manning
Lance Moore
Lendale White
Le'Ron McClain
Michael Vick

I'm a little disappointed I didn't get Brady this season, even though I won without him last year. Still, Drew Brees slings the ball around with the best of them, so I'm happy with him. I really like my running backs. I like the guys who score lots of touchdowns, so I'm pretty happy with all four of them. I took a chance on Chad Ochocinco, hoping he'd have kind of a comeback year, and I got Lance Moore because I always like to have a receiver on the same team as my QB for double points. Also, I know I'm going to take a PR hit with Michael Vick but he was my last pick in the draft and I figured, What the heck?

I've been waiting for fantasy football to start for weeks now. I have a 2 year championship win streak going in my league, and I'm pretty excited to defend it. It should be a fun year.

D-bag of the Day

At work, one of the things that my coworkers and I have invented to deal with the stresses and frustrations of working in retail is invent an award for the one person who has seemingly gone out of their way to make us have a crappy day. Whether that person is a customer, fellow employee, doner, or some schmuck on the radio, if they turn a good day into a bad day or a bad day into a worse day, they are considered a serious candidate for this award. This unique individual, if chosen, is cemented forever in history as that day's douchebag of the day.

It's the guy who comes in the store 5 minutes before close and buys a set of sofas and a large desk to go along with it. It's the person who takes a slam in the toilet and throws in too much toilet paper, thus clogging it for one of us to fix. It's the couple who brings a trailer load of pure and utter junk that has been rained on to us as a reasonable donation and then puts $1,000 on their tax receipt. I could go on and on.

But today, the d-bag of the day award goes to a person who went especially out of his way to earn this honor, and his name is: Guy-Who-Stole-My-Dog.

Ok, so I don't know his real name. But his name doesn't really matter. Guy-Who-Stole-My-Dog essentially waited until night time to pick up one of our family dogs, Bilco, and apparently take him away to his own house just a few miles down the road. In other words, he stole him. Now, the dog may have wandered off, but he never goes far, and he doesn't resemble a stray at all. He even has a collar. So, GWSMD took Bilco to his own house, put him in his fence, and removed his collar (because of course without his collar we wouldn't able to identify him). At this point, I suppose the man assumed that Bilco was his dog.

But it gets worse. My dad actually had a friend who noticed our dog at this other guy's house, and when he ran into my dad at a gas station, brought it up. They went over to GWSMD's trailer and found Bilco laying on the front porch. It was obvious by the poor dog's looks that he wasn't being fed. His ribs were sticking out more than normal, and his fur didn't look quite as healthy. No one actually came to the door when they knocked, probably because they knew they deserved a beatdown, and so my dad and his friend took Bilco and brought him home.

I guess the moral of the story is, don't mess with a person's dog. I don't know what would make any sane individual see a healthy dog with a collar out somewhere and immediately think he had a right to take it for his own and then not even go as far as to feed it, but it happened. And it makes me mad, because we've had the dog since he was a puppy. I mean, that's the dog that sits beside me every day when I go in out in the front yard to read a book. That's the dog that Stephanie and I ran through a freaking lightning storm to rescue from our dad's shop. It's the same dog that gets scared to death every year when we shoot fireworks on the 4th. And it's the same dog that wouldn't stop jumping on me once, and so I tossed him into our pond. And you're just going to steal him? Douchebag...

But I am glad that Bilco is back. Even if he is a stupid dog, he is our stupid dog. Last night when I was going to bed, I really hoped that I hadn't seen him for the last time. You can imagine how relieved I was when I pulled into the driveway and heard his familiar bark (the same one that wakes me up in the middle of the night because he is barking at a leaf or something).

A Quick Life Update

If you happen to be out driving tomorrow, and if you happen to pass Mission Possible and see a red S-10 in the parking lot, don't bother asking whether or not that's my truck. Between 12 and 6, you will be right in assuming that it is. And you will probably think, Hold on a second... he is living in Huntsville now. What is he doing back here? Well the explanation is very simple: I came back.

Manny Ramirez cuts off throws to the infield from his own position in outfield. He goes (went) into the Green Monster to use the bathroom between innings. He does (did) steroids. They have a saying for this, that it's "Manny being Manny." Regarding my coming back from UAH, I guess you could say that it's "Matt being Matt." I go to college, I take classes, I transfer, I change my major many times, I transfer again, I drop out for a year, I go back, I transfer again... this is in essence my college years crammed into one sentence. And so if you are shocked right now at the fact that I stayed at UAH for a few days and then dropped out and returned, you really shouldn't be. A pig returns to the mud, a dog returns to its vomit, Gomer returned to the street corners and well, I could probably have chosen better examples, but I returned to my habit of not sticking to the plan.

Seriously though, the best explanation I can give is that I got up there and stayed a few days only to realize that living on campus is not for me. It might have been good right out of high school, and there are definitely people out there who love it, but not me. I withdrew from all my classes, gave back my financial aid money, loaded up my truck, and came home. Not once have I regretted it since, and immediately the next day I went to register for whatever I had left to take at Jeff State. Even though I changed colleges, I still fully intend to finish my degree in History and Education and get a job as a teacher. This hasn't set me back or discouraged me one bit.

The one thing I am going to miss about Huntsville is the church that I had the pleasure of attending once. It was called Weatherly Heights and I found it on the Faith and Justice directory on the Sojourners website. At its surface, it was a Baptist church that didn't seem very Baptist at all. Ministers wear robes during the service, the sermon was about 20 minutes long, and women are permitted to be in positions of leadership. During the worship, I couldn't hear the music minister over the voice of the entire congregation, which is always great for worship. Also, the prayers, the sermon, and the entire order of the service were deep and very well-thought out. The pastor preached from Leviticus, and actually provided historical context for what he was talking about. It wasn't some watered down self-help message repackaged for Christians, but actual rich, bare, Biblical theology presented in its context.

I really liked that church, but a minimum 1 hour commute is too much for me to be able to attend now. I'm back in the B-ham area and I'm on the market for a new church. Some might be wondering if I am going to go back to Hilldale, but I'm going to have to say here that I'm not. I like Hilldale, and I really like the people there, but I'm sorry to have to say I'm going to be moving on.

You see, things get a little complicated when I talk about church. After the crap that happened at Hopewell, my take on church changed. Not that it was all Hopewell, but more or less that situation combined with observations on several different fronts (not least of these being WDJC). And somewhere along the line, I lost my faith in church. Church as usual doesn't work for me anymore, but the problem is that I don't know of any churches here that aren't church as usual.

Because I want to start believing in churches again. I want to start believing in God's people to be more than people who simply listen to a different kind of music and don't cuss. But the solution to that is not just more modern worship music. It's not a bunch of lights or the obligatory hip pastor-with-fohawk. It's not wrapping yourself in a watered down Christian subculture where you cut yourself off from the world and wait on Jesus to steal you away to heaven, or at least that's not the way I believe it should be.

But anyways, I did say this would be quick. That's essentially where I'm at now. Peace.

"Heaven and earth, I repeat, are made for each other, and at certain points they intersect and interlock. Jesus is the ultimate such point. We as Christians are meant to be such points, derived from him." -N.T. Wright

Don Miller told me to do this, so I did

The Mentoring Project - Elephant Musth Cycle from The Mentoring Project on Vimeo.

A couple years ago I read this great book by Donald Miller called To Own a Dragon. In it, Don details his life growing up without a father and his experiences with several different mentors, or male role models in his life. Growing up without a father, or with a bad father, can wreak havoc on a young boy's emotions and mental state. In fact, an overwhelming majority of men in jail grew up without fathers. This is no coincidence. The family is supposed to work the right way only if a mother and father are both present, but sadly our generation is seeing a crisis in fatherhood. Men aren't sticking around to raise their kids. Some dads are abusive towards their kids or wives, and this leaves the children with what we like to call "issues."

Fortunately there are people out there like Don who are undertaking the daunting task of trying to fix this fatherhood mess. His organization partners with churches so that they can start a mentoring program to give young kids good role models. Their efforts are going to help lots of kids grow up with positive influences in their lives, and that is something that will make a huge difference.

Also, speaking of Donald Miller, I am getting extremely excited about this.

Bible Questions Are Fun

I get so frustrated with the Bible sometimes. It's such a complicated book. It seems like I can't read a chapter without at least one question coming up about something that doesn't seem to make sense or something that contradicts something else. Tonight I decided I would read Jesus' sermon on the mount. So I read it and, as always, something jumped out at me that doesn't really make sense. Unable to come up with a satisfying answer on my own, I thought I'd try to put this question up on the blog and let anybody who feels like it weigh in.

My question comes right after the Lord's prayer when Jesus says, "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14-15). What I am wondering is this: Is Jesus putting another condition on salvation when he is saying this?

I noticed that when I was reading through the sermon on the mount, Jesus seems to be warning people that they need to watch what their actions are, or they may be in danger of hell.

"But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, 'You fool!' will be liable to the hell of fire" - Matthew 5:22

"If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell." - Matthew 5:29

This is where it gets tricky for me because I have learned that it doesn't matter what we do, it matters that we accept and believe in Jesus. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God," as it says in Romans. So if I insult somebody, look lustfully at somebody, or even kill someone, I can still be saved by God's grace and forgiveness. But Jesus says that if I do these things, I will be "liable to the hell of fire." He doesn't say that "if you don't believe I am the Son of God you will be liable to the hell of fire." And it gets even more confusing when he says that if I don't forgive others for their trespasses, God won't forgive mine.

It's kind of like that old formula for becoming a Christian, the A, B, C's - Admit, Believe, and Confess. Does that mean it's Admit, Believe, Confess, and Forgive? Jesus did say I won't be forgiven if I don't forgive others. And if I'm not forgiven, how can I be saved? (By the way, I don't really believe that salvation is something that can be confined to an ABC formula - a three step process that gets you automatically a place in heaven. But that's another blog entirely.)

I guess it's just odd how the Bible actually treats the idea of "going to heaven." Like it sometimes is treated like a "how to get to heaven" book, but when I dive in the book it doesn't actually read that way. For instance, if I was someone who knew nothing about the Bible, but I wanted to make sure to get into heaven, I would be completely confused by it. Like I would open up to the first page and there is this poem about the creation of the world and a story of the fall of man, and then it goes into this guy Abraham who had a baby even though he was really old and his wife was barren. And then it follows the lives of his family. Finally, I would realize this wasn't what I was looking for, and I would flip through the book. Stories of slavery and wandering around in the desert, history, poems praising God, words of wisdom, writings of prophets, the story of Jesus, letters to different churches. I'm not saying that how to get to heaven is not in there, I'm just saying that it's really hard to find. And it seems like that is a very critical part of our faith, which is why this is so strange. You would think God would put it in there, highlight it, and make the ink glow on the page. Or that there would be a table of contents at the beginning that would say "For information on going to heaven, turn to page 1142." But that's not in there. Even the Romans road, which many Christians are taught to use to lead people to Christ, is several separate verses ripped out of the book of Romans and made into a formula of salvation. Not even Paul actually put them directly together, step by step.

Anyways, this has confused me lately. Is there more to salvation than simply believing and accepting? Can I go to heaven without forgiving others, even if I do believe? And why doesn't God make the way to heaven more obvious?

Any thoughts?

Seeing Past the Donkey and the Elephant

In one of those vague childhood memories that is still with me, I can recall my first "discussion" I had on politics. It was with my mom, while we were going somewhere in the car. She was driving and I, being what I'm guessing to be around 10 years old, sat quietly in the passenger seat with my belt buckled. We had been to the polls to vote for governor or something like that. My mom was telling me that she always voted for the Republican candidates, straight ticket. That was why she didn't have to fill in all the boxes on the form. As a little kid, I just assumed that when I got old enough I would continue voting the way my parents did, and so I asked my mom, "What's the difference between Republicans and Democrats?" My mom, never being someone who really got into politics and who was faced with the difficult task of explaining the issues to a 10 year old, simply said, "Well, the Republican is the more Christian party and the Democrats are not."

That settled it for me. After all, I was a Christian and I knew I wanted to vote like a Christian when I turned 18. So without further questions I went on to vaguely support Republican politics through my teenage years. I formed a healthy dislike for Bill Clinton when all I really knew about him was that he cheated on his wife and that somehow that made him a terrible president. I supported Bob Dole when he ran against Clinton and all I remember is him falling off a stage while he was trying to shake somebody's hand. I had no idea really what either candidate stood for or wanted to do for the country. I just followed the Republican or Democrat label and that decided for me who I would pull for in elections.

My first chance to vote came in 2004 when I had just turned 18. At the time I was going to a church where it was preached from the pulpit that the Christian thing to do was vote Republican. Again, this was at a time when I really didn't care much for politics. I didn't question why we were at war in Iraq and I didn't really think too much about Bush's tax cuts for the wealthiest people along with other issues that were coming up at the time. The only person at my church who had a different take on politics was Andy. Andy talked about politics a lot. He voted for John Kerry that year. He and April were probably the only two church members to do so. But I have to admit I tuned him out a lot of the time because I really wasn't that interested. And it's not a pleasant thing to disagree on politics. I did, in fact, end up voting for Bush that year.

I say all of this because through all of those years I bought into a lie. It was a lie that my mom believed, my church believed, and I believed to be true. And that lie was that Republican politics and Christianity were one and the same. It's a lie that has been perpetuated through Christian communities in America for decades, and because of that politicians and talking heads have tricked Christians in order to get their votes. It has led to Christians in high percentages supporting policies like torture, an unjust war, and economic strategies that leave out the people that Jesus taught us to care for the most - the poor and vulnerable.

I think that this happens because a lot of times when we follow politics and vote, we get caught up in the game of partisanship and in doing so, we lose sight of the things we really stand for. When issues are split along party lines, it's easy for a person to see the other party as constantly wrong and their party as always right. For Christians, this is dangerous because neither party comes close to maintaining consistent Christian values, but we really act like they do.

I remember last month at my church when we had our annual 4th of July service. We sang all our patriotic songs and pledged allegiance to the flag. At the end of all the national praise it finally came time for the sermon, Pastor Ron went on stage and he said as calmly as he could: "I am a patriot. I am a God and country person. But, we have to make sure that it's not more about our country than God."

Pastor Ron was my hero that day. He was dead on. I have seen many times Christians getting caught up in politics, and the thing that ultimately decides their position on a particular issue is not their faith, it's their party affiliation. For instance, one morning last week I was at work and they had WDJC playing. On the morning show, they were taking callers to give their opinions on the "beer summit" in which Obama invited Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Sgt James Crowley to the White House to have a beer. This was in response to Obama's comments that Crowley "acted stupidly" in arresting the Harvard professor.

So people called in and many of them said that the president should not invite these men over to drink a beer, that as president he is a role model and by drinking beer he is setting a bad example. If you have ever read the Gospels, this should be probably striking you as ironic right now. Jesus, who is the ultimate role model and example for us Christians, drank wine. He once went to a wedding, and when the wine had run out he took some water and turned it into more wine, which was even better wine than they had at first! So what happened was Christians were criticizing the president as being a bad role model for doing something Jesus, the lord and savior, did himself.

What I'm trying to say here is God does not play along party lines, and so neither should we. The Republicans are not the most Christian party, and neither are the Democrats. Some people try to present that lie in both obvious and subtle ways. We should be careful that when we cast our ballots and decide what side to take on certain issues, we are not just playing the party game. The Bible says nothing about limited or expanded government, trickle down economic theory, or who you should or shouldn't tax but it says a lot about helping the needy, protecting life, caring for the environment, and maintaining peace. On these issues we should look beyond the red and blue, the donkey and the elephant.